bones crosshairs alt 'Bones': The Mummy Returns

Much as we expected, this short break from “Bones” has erased all memory of She-who-must-not-be-named. Our primary duo are back to doing what they do best: being cute, checking their angst at the door and solving crimes.

Though the crime of the week doesn’t get an immediate solution because it’s only episode 2 of the potentially multi-season sniper arc.

And while Booth (David Boreanaz), Brennan (Emily Deschanel) and Caroline (Patricia Belcher) contend with their new nemesis, Angela (Michaela Conlin) and Hodgins (T.J. Thyne) try to find a way to tell her father (ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons) that he can’t name their unborn child. Oh, and Cam (Tamara Taylor) got a haircut.

It’s all addressed in our slightly gushy recap…

For the squints:

  • No cheesy cold open this week. We get the nice dual story of Booth crashing Brennan’s jog (cute!) and Broadsky (“The Mummy” star Arnold Vosloo) getting ready for a day of killing people while listening to Vince Gil (creepy!). 
  • Broadsky takes out his victim in some sort of warehouse-y office building, and we have to wonder if an indoor shooting technically qualifies as a “sniping.” Is a rifle really necessary in such close quarters? Just saying.
  • The body is a man who was in witness protection. He testified against a money-laundering drug lord — he, himself, was a shady-type counterfeit artist — and though the fellow he put behind bars technically ordered the hit, it was only after Broadsky called him. We’re noticing a trend here…
  • Booth realizes there must be a connection between this dead witness and the gravedigger (i.e.: both of their locations, at their times of death, were classified info) and he discovers it’s a former U.S. Marshall whose life Broadsky saved in Afghanistan. He confronts her, and she feels really bad. And then we feel bad because she kills herself — at her desk! (We bet her coworkers really appreciated that.)
  • Turns out Broadsky is having bullets specially made so that they’ll explode adjacent to their target. And his target is going to be in the women’s bathroom at the courthouse. Caroline’s immediate recognition of the location from the bullet-designer’s parameters makes us briefly worried that she’s the target. But she’s not evil, so that would go against the Broadsky MO. He’s the “Dexter” of sniping!
  • Booth tries to snipe the sniper, who’s scouting a male defendant (it was the men’s room), but his snipe wasn’t snipey enough. At the Founding Fathers’, he’s briefly emo, but Brennan is the umpteenth person to remind him that sniping doesn’t make him a sniper. You dig?

For the shippers:

  • The jogging scene at the beginning sets a hugs-and-puppies tone for the Brennan/Booth interaction in this episode, and it holds through the episode.
  • Papa Montenegro is back! And he’s thought of a name for the little Hodgela baby. But what is it? He’s making us wait for at least another half hour.
  • Cam doesn’t make an appearance until 42 minutes into the episode (including commercials), and she really has nothing to say. But boy if she doesn’t look cute with her new bangs and bob.
  • Papa Montenegro informs Hodgins that he has the perfect asexual name for their offspring… Staccato Mamba. It’s almost certainly an awesome character from a yet-to-be-made Quentin Tarantino film, but Hodgins puts his foot down. This baby is going to be named after Brennan or me.
  • Not so fast Hodgins. You can name your baby whatever boring name you want, but first, you have to wake up drunk, in an alley, with a matching Montenegro tattoo. Now he has a father/daughter set.
  • Honestly. If you told us a month ago that we’d be watching B&B laughing and being adorable at the same bar where he brokenheartedly gave her an ultimatum about friendship or nothing, we would have called you a fool. But we’re proven wrong. And we’re happy for it.

Next week? Sexual propositions! Yes, please.

Posted by:Mikey O'Connell