brooklyn nine nine patton oswalt andy samberg sals pizza fox 'Brooklyn Nine Nine': Patton Oswalt and Andy Samberg fight over 'Sal's Pizza'
“Brooklyn Nine-Nine” has a strong cast, but it’s still guest-star central on FOX. This isn’t a complaint. Especially when you have Patton Oswalt guest-starring.
Tonight, Detective Jake’s (Andy Samberg) favorite pizza place Sal’s burns down (although Boyle — who previously won with Best Pie two weeks ago — doesn’t agree.) But we digress. Who is the fire marshall in charge of the investigation? Patton Oswalt, as Boone, who Jake describes as the “King Doofus of Doofus Island.” Cue lots of posturing between the cops and the firemen. Boone believes Sal burned the place down himself, so Jake decides to take a tour of the neighborhood pizzerias to see who may be mad at Sal. After getting caught sneaking into the burned out pizzeria, Boone throws a punch at Jake, and they have a good old fashioned cop-vs-fireman throw-down. Yep, Andy Samberg and Patton Oswalt punched each other.
Why does Jake believe Sal is innocent? It turns out Sal’s was where Jake and his dad would go together before his dad left his mom, and stopped taking him. Jake’s story reduces Boone to a blubbering mess (a crying Patton is a funny Patton.) In the end, one of the competitors did indeed set the fire just to get the secret pizza sauce recipe from the locked cabinet. Jake is yet again correct through unorthodox means, and wins. 
Also, the department’s computer system has been infected with a virus and everyone’s search history is made public. Through that, Santiago finds out that Diaz was offered the job as police captain at a small town in New Jersey. Santiago, competitive Type A overachiever, is flabbergasted, and wants to know how Diaz got such an offer. Diaz drives Santiago out to the town, where they visit the most boring town ever, and Santiago realizes why no one would want that job. The only thing good to come out of that story line is perhaps Santiago and Diaz have each other’s backs now.
Terry and Gina are tasked by Holt (Andre Braugher) to hire a new IT specialist to lock down the hacked system (and the bizarre interview process Gina puts the candidates through is why we’ve naming Chelsea Peretti one of our underrated actors on TV today.) In the end, Gina’s unorthodox methods pinpointed the best choice: the original hacker: “Savant.” 
Best Lines:

  • “Well, it’s too bad we can’t be as awesome as ‘New York’s Finest’ which by the way sounds like my mom describing her dishware, and she’s dead so tread lightly on the response.”
    – Boone
    “That’s not fair.” – Jake
  • “I put out a weekly Brooklyn pizza ranking email blast. Sal’s only ranks fourth in best texture, ninth in best crust, 12th in cheese, and honestly, they’re only seventh in mouth feel.” – Boyle
  • “Do you have to spit?” – Jake
    “In a word, yes.” – Boyle
  • “First, let’s hug like men.” – Boone
  • “It’s the only one that ranks mouth feel.” – Holt
  • (Holding a Magic 8-Ball) “Hey ball. If ‘Savant’ were to do anything to harm this precinct, would I (crushing ball) destroy him? ‘Answer uncertain. Try again.'” – Terry
Department searches:
  • Magic themed singles nights (Santiago)
  • Cheapest date possible (Jake)
  • Undiscovered muscles (Terry)
  • How much fudge is in a calorie (Scully)
  • How to make desk yogurt (Boyle)
  • Daniel Craig hands + close up (Santiago)
What did you think of tonight’s episode? While we love Andy Samberg, we’d like to see one of the other detectives have a turn at magically solving a case, or otherwise, they’re going to have to rename this “The Andy Samberg Show.”
    Posted by:Kiley Thompson