Is it physically impossible for Walkers and quasi-Walkers to be happy for more than 10 minutes at a time on Brothers & Sisters? Apparently, if this episode full of DNA tests, political machinations, business skullduggery and just general Walker angst is anything to go by. Heck, even the panacea of ice cream gave people headaches. Walkers just can’t win!

I need a drink — this spoilers thing is such a downer.

Rebecca gets the results of the DNA test (via the phone, and not in person with Justin at her side), and discovers she’s David’s daughter. Dammit! As Holly has just left the house, Rebecca directs her ire at David, who is not surprised by the result but a bit surprised by the rage. Buh… your mom was trying to give you a good life! I was a coked-out mess and would have been a horrible father! He promises to make things right, but instead confirms his no-goodnik status by lying to Holly that he’s got a job in New York, bailing on a romantic weekend, and saying that he just pursued her out of "nostalgia."

Rebecca decides she loves being a Walker, and what do Walkers do (besides talk about each other)? They lie! She tells Justin the DNA test came up Walker, so she’s still his little sis. Justin isn’t sure he’s happy about this, because he’s evidently having naughty feelings directed at his "sister," but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he sublimates those dirty thoughts by teaching Rebecca to surf. Just a hint, Justin: if you’re trying to convince yourself you’re not madly attracted to a girl, perhaps you should pick an activity that does not involve close contact and bikinis, hmmm?

Taylor asks Robert to be his VP, but only after being the most obnoxious schmuck on the face of the planet. Kitty is reluctant to go through all that campaigning again, especially for the benefit of someone like Taylor, and she tells Robert he should turn down the offer. She needs some time with Robert for herself! And hey, how I am supposed to get knocked up if you’re out campaigning all the time? Robert opines that she knew about his ambition from the start, and he really wants this, but in the end, Taylor is such a objectionable schmuck that he turns the offer down. Taylor warns Kitty that Robert will resent her forever. Shut it, Taylor.

Sarah is shocked to find out that the China deal went through despite her telling Saul not to do it. She feels horribly betrayed: How could you abuse my trust? Saul shares my feelings and is having none of it, because hey, she was acting like a spoiled brat with the whole "we can’t do the deal but I want to keep my boyfriend — you do it!" stunt she pulled last week. She asks Graham if he knew about the end-run Saul pulled, and Graham in insulted. Later, Nora tells Sarah to lighten up and trust people. So she makes a big apology, and then finds out she was right all along — the Chinese company is declaring bankruptcy, but Ojai Foods is still on the hook for the ancillary deals and will be hemorrhaging money. Great — now Sarah’s going to be completely insufferable. Um, more insufferable.

Scotty cuts his hand at work and reveals he doesn’t have health insurance, which, after some consultation with his brothers, prompts Kevin to propose a domestic partnership arrangement. That’s not the sort of proposal Scotty had in mind — when he gets hitched, he wants it to be for keeps, not for convenience. I really wish I cared more.

In other news, Nora threatens to redecorate the house to mend her broken heart, then realizes (1) the house looks pretty sweet as it is, and (2) she really wants to give families of pediatric cancer patients a place to stay. Also, Tommy continues to be nearly superfluous. What the heck did Balthazar Getty do to piss off the writers?

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends:

  • I didn’t think anything would be worse the a romance plotline between Rebecca and Justin. I was wrong: The thwarted, needlessly complicated, undoubtedly drawn-out romance between Justin and Rebecca sounds even worse.
  • Fantastic job by Emily VanCamp on Rebecca’s meltdown to David when she got the DNA results. That was great work. Patricia Wettig’s turn when Holly was being inexplicably dumped by David was pretty spiffy as well.
  • I’m slightly confused as to how David translated "I’m going to make this ok" into "I’m going to bugger off without explanation."
  • On a shallow note, I loved Rebecca’s formal dress. She looked stunning.
  • Poor Kitty — after contemplating the futures of her potential embryos (or blastocysts, as Tommy somewhat creepily informs us), she discovers  that none of them are viable.
  • I kind of loved the Walker kids talking about how Nora deals with family trauma by redecorating the house. Rebecca’s take on that was great — "If she finds out I’m not a Walker, she’ll put a third floor on the house."
  • I’ve always despised Taylor, but the marching in when he showed up early and Kitty was in a towel was just too much. Dude, go get a cup of coffee!
  • Taylor did, however, know exactly how to deal with Kitty refusing to talk to him — she’s physically incapable of sitting in silence.
  • Kitty to Robert, when he tells Taylor to wait while he gets cleaned up: “Honey, you need to hurry up — I’m drowning in his smugness. And his aftershave.”
  • Oh, poor Saul. He deserves so much better than these ungrateful Walker brats. I wanted to smack Sarah when she was acting all wounded  that Saul would betray her trust. That’s what happens when you treat someone like a servant or an idiot for his entire life.
  • I’m all for supporting kids with cancer, but I’m kind of surprised the Walker family charity isn’t liver transplants or cirrhosis research.
Posted by:Sarah Jersild