. My luck, though, I’ll find myself mingling with nasty drunks and nefarious stock brokers.

I’ll bail you out if you promise to write a better Spoilers tag.

Previously… Hank got clipped, pleasured the wrong woman and was thrown in the slammer. We call it entertainment, Hank calls it a Friday.

Speaking of the big house, Karen and Becca arrive to tell Hank in person that they’re not bailing him out. Well, it’s more Becca talking as Karen takes the high ground by administering the silent treatment. The young one even manages to get his mug shot off the Defamer web site from her iPhone. Give me that website over TMZ or Perez Hilton any day. The important thing is that Hank digs his portrait.

Back behind bars, Hank attempts to make bail and epically fails. A morbidly obese biker sweet talks him while going number one. Such is the life when you can’t break free. Moments later the record producer appears, thrown in jail himself thanks to that angry woman last week.

Marcy tells Charlie they’re taking their love life old school all while getting the behind-the-scenes dirt on the porn industry from Marcy’s waxing client. I’ve never heard of lobster being used as an aphrodisiac, but then again, I don’t have quite the prolific and dynamic sex life those two do.

Later on, Mia meets up with Dani and Charlie about adapting “her” story into a screenplay. Dani continues to play agent, much to Charlie’s chagrin. He and Dani have it out after Mia leaves. She attempts to resume their relationship secretary/boss style, but he wises up and calls her on her batshit ways. Dani predicts that he’ll be selling BMW’s in the valley within the year.

Famed record producer Lew Ashby goes gaga over Hank’s writing. When Hank bemoans the west coast lifestyle and a dream of a return to the NYC, Ashby claims all the talent of LA (even the biker farting in his sleep) has more talent than New York. He offers Hank a job writing his biography in exchange for bail… and a bromance.

Karen and Sonja meet for lunch. Sonja proposes a joint business venture where she will buy a Lautner designed house and Karen will renovate it. Up to that point, she wasn’t all that warm to the idea, but you can never keep a good architect down.

Charlie goes to confront the agency president about Dani, but she has arrived first. Turns out, she has hidden camera footage of certain indiscretions of Charlie’s. He’s killing kittens left and right! Oh, that Dani… so industrious. Charlie hits the fan when he realizes that he’s been played by his former secretary. At least Dani knows her way around his office.

Becca confronts Karen about her silent treatment. Karen tries to rationalize it when Mia drops by to give Karen her book. The kids gang up on Karen to take action and make nice with Hank. She relents and goes to bail him out. It’s still good to know she’s standing by her man.

Gang bangers make fun of Hank’s inability to know what woman he’s making happy when an officer arrives to set him free. He exits the jail to find it’s Ashby who bailed him out. That makes two times Hank’s been released by a guy who later offers him a writing gig. Hank wants to go home but Ashby insists he come with him.

The two make it to a club and sit at the Led Zeppelin table. Ashby attempts to show Hank a good time while going deeper into the details of his book writing proposal when up pops a random chick from under the table. I can tell our Ashby is quite the romantic.

Marcy and Charlie engage in their crustacean fantasy when he spills the beans that he wants out as an agent. Marcy can’t believe what she’s hearing, apparently too high to read between the lines.

The bros pull up to the house of Ashby’s ex. He laments that it was a love that was never meant to be… Mars/Venus, if you will. Mercifully, Hank gets a call from Marcy with a wailing Charlie in the background. Hank arrives to confront Charlie about his not wanting to be an agent. Unfortunately, he finds our favorite agent wallowing in self-pity in the bathtub. Only then does Charlie openly spill the beans that he was actually fired. Hank tries to calm him down while Marcy totally (and hilariously) flips her lid.

Back at Casa de Hank, he returns to find Becca asleep. Karen is still awake in bed. Hank proceeds to apologize in his own charming way. He then crawls into bed and cuddles up to Karen, looking content… her not so much. She wonders if love is enough to keep this up.

Karen in doubt whether she made the right decision? Imagine my surprise.

Next time on Californication, Hank and Ashby hammer out the details of the biography then hammer each other while Charlie enters the porn world. Good to see him land on his feet so quickly.

So Hank’s about to sell his soul again for a writing gig that makes a quick buck… is this going to end well? Can Karen and our favorite Scientologist hook up quite the sweet business deal? Is it just me, or has Becca become too emo for her own good?

Posted by:Brandon Millman