kathleenturner californication s3 290 'Californication' Season Premiere: Kathleen Turner and Peter Gallagher join Hank's reindeer gamesCalifornication” graces our screens once again with a new pair of familiar faces. Good thing Hank is still as hot and horny as ever.

Oh Henry, how I have missed you. It must be quite the life to do what you do, still get the girl and find time for a catnap in the middle of sex. He tries to calm her perfect body down by unleashing dozens of superlatives about various parts of said body… but I’m guessing that dozing off is a bit of a deal-breaker. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Becca and her new friend Chelsea found Hank’s stash (they’ll never look in the typewriter!) and have the mad munchies. Hank uses that as an excuse for him to light up as well.

Good to see Charlie back in the game, though even our favorite solo agent can’t truly wrap his head around his new boss, Sue Collini. Somehow, I don’t mind Kathleen Turner’s dirty mind heckling Charlie at his every turn. Everything she says is wrapped around a dirty, dirty joke. Charlie wants to focus on the problem at hand: Nothing of Hank’s can be published or filmed… mostly because of his need for women or high-school hijinks. Sensing it’s time for the tables to be turned, Hank prolongs Charlie’s needless suffering by canceling his plans, allowing for Sue to take him out for drinks.

Things don’t get any easier for Charlie once he meets up with Marcy and the mediator. The house is the issue at hand, but because neither one can focus on getting it sold, Charlie requests to move back in. To Marcy’s surprise, the mediator agrees. The recession is a bitch, though this isn’t totally unprecedented.

petergallagher californication s3 290 'Californication' Season Premiere: Kathleen Turner and Peter Gallagher join Hank's reindeer gamesMeanwhile, Hank finds that Chelsea’s mom, Felicia, is also a school administrator AND upset with Hank’s carelessness with the weed. By working his charm with his apology, he manages to invite himself to dinner. On the way over, he heckles a hard-headed bicyclist to the point of making him crash. Once at the house, he comes to find that said bicyclist is none other than Peter Gallagher, but you can call him Stacy Koons, dean of the school. Hank also gets to meet Richard Bates, a writer he loves, and his beautiful TA Jill (Diane Farr!). Richard is quite the academic… that is, until Hank insists on sharing a drink. Oh well, sobriety is vastly overrated anyway.

Later that night, the group enjoys dinner. The actual eating part, I presume, because the conversations overshadow any three-course meal ever put together. First it’s Hank and Dean Koons debating California’s right-of-way laws; then we have Hank hitting on Jill to the point where she wants him, but shoddy relationships have all but ruined her forever anyway… and then there’s Richard. Oy vey. A very naked Richard does his best Buffalo Bill by showing off his “mangina” to the assembled group and tops it off by doing a Peter Pan right out the open dining room window, where he frolics freely in the backyard.

At this point, Hank excuses himself, but not before trying one more time with Jill. When that doesn’t work, Felicia offers him Richard’s soon-to-be-vacant teaching position. Once again, Hank Moody takes a sad song and makes it better.

On the other side of town, Sue continues to make Charlie uncomfortable. Normally one would expect the grossly inappropriate sex talk from Mr. Runkle, but in the end, all Sue wants is an interoffice romance. My guess is they’ll consummate the thing by episode five.

Finished with the out-of-office shenanigans, a drunken Charlie returns home to beg Marcy’s forgiveness. Naturally, that won’t work, so it takes Charlie’s restroom request before she lets him in. Milking it for all it’s worth, he claims the ol’ IBS is acting up while taking a whiff of various undergarments. He tries to add sound effects by spraying air freshener, though it appears he’s never operated a canister before, promptly spraying it in his eyes. Marcy takes pity and allows him one night in the guest room.

davidduchovny californication s3 290 'Californication' Season Premiere: Kathleen Turner and Peter Gallagher join Hank's reindeer gamesIn the end, Hank calls Karen (finally!), who’s still in NYC. It seems they’ve both been fooling around, but neither has had any real luck with the opposite sex. Ever the romantic, he’s afraid they’ll eventually lose total interest in each other. Indeed, the times are a changin’.

Next week: Chuck Bass is in class as Hank embarks on quite the teaching career.

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Posted by:Brandon Millman