Jason Collins made headlines earlier this year as the first openly gay active player in one of the U.S.’ four major professional sports. And while his former fiancee Carolyn Moos is happy for him being able to come out and be himself, she’s still getting over the heartbreak of their relationship.
“A month before I was set to marry the man I loved, he called off the
wedding. I had no idea why. He and I had been together for eight years.
We had planned to have children, build a family. Nearly four years
later, I got my answer,” writes Moos, in the August issue of Cosmo.
She means, of course, the Sports Illustrated article where Jason came out of the closet. And Collins did tell her he was gay the day the article came out, but he did not tell her about the SI story. She found out about that from a friend.
“I empathize with Jason and support him. But at the same time, I remain deeply hurt by him. I wish he could have been honest with me years ago. I feel like there are two Jasons now — the man I fell in love with and the man I’m trying so hard to understand. He’s being hailed as a pioneer, but I believe true heroism is a result of being honest with yourself and with those you love.”
She adds that Collins calling off the wedding threw her whole life into question.
“When I couldn’t get answers from
Jason on what had gone wrong, I questioned myself and what I could have
done better or differently. I should have been questioning him, but I
didn’t think to do so at all. In the years that followed, I dated other
men, I built up my business, I had a full life. But when it came to
Jason, deep sadness and confusion remained,” writes Moos.
She adds that he has not spoken with her since he came out.
“I am sad that the media seems to be a higher priority. I hope this changes in the coming weeks, as I value open dialogue more than anything.”