Charlie Sheen returned to the Warner Bros. lot on Thursday (April 12) to appear on “Conan,” despite being banned from the WB lot two years ago during that whole “Two and a Half Men” kerfuffle.

So his solution is to appear on the show in a tank. With large-breasted, nubile young girls with him. Of course.

“It’s pretty exciting [to be back] … when we pulled up to the gate, they ran a really intense security check,” says Sheen. “I used to be able to just cruise on in. Not anymore.”

They also talk about the brand of marijuana named after Sheen and the horrifying Halloween rubber mask that is supposed to look like Sheen.

Then talk turns to his infamous meltdown and the recent headlines Justin Bieber has been making.

“I’m calling it a melt-forward … I harnessed it,” says Sheen. “Like a mercury volcano, down hill, with no brakes. And no plan. … It was nuts.”

Sheen then weirdly says it all started from his watching a “Chappelle Show” sketch, testosterone cream and a hernia. It’s really hard to know what’s real and what’s not. Could go either way.

They then touch on when Sheen accidentally tweeted out his own phone number.

“Justin Bieber, who I don’t know, but I wouldn’t mind being his friend … I said [to my Twitter person Bob] send a direction message to Justin, I want to talk to him. I got 1800 texts in two hours,” says Sheen.

“Take a duffel bag and fill it with watermelon and hang it like a heavy bag and just hit it for like an hour,” says Sheen. “I think it’s healthy to get the anger out. Just don’t hit anybody, you know?”

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."