“Community” fans were introduced to the a**-crack bandit in the Season 5 episode, “Advanced Intergluteal Numismatics.” Now, a ballad celebrating the legendary outlaw — written by Ben Folds — is available.

It’s kind of amazing.

Although he only appeared briefly (as a pot-growing horticulture professor) on the show, Folds penned a rather impressive song celebrating the coin-dropping figure of mystery. If you don’t listen to the lyrics, it even sounds like a real song.

But listening to the lyrics may be the best part. Here are a few of the best lines:

  • “You thought your plumbing was safe, but your jeans were half mast”
  • “25 cents at a time, he’s taking our souls”
  • “Coins in the a**-crack or the eyes of a dead man”
  • “He’s the A**-Crack Bandit — enemy of the state”
  • “He’ll give you no quarter, but he’ll give you a quarter”
  • “Maybe we’re the crooks and he’s the hero? Maybe he’s the messiah? Who’s to say?”
  • “And don’t forget your jukebox money!” (a B-52s reference never goes amiss)
  • “Can’t stand forever — eventually we all bend over”

Alas, despite an episode and a song devoted to the man (or woman), the A**-Crack Bandit was never found. His legend thus lives on.

“Community” airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on NBC.

Posted by:Laurel Brown