A girl doesn’t start out thinking that one
day she’ll be a cougar – a single woman in her 40s who prowls the club scene
hoping to sink her teeth into younger men – but it happens. And if we can
suspend disbelief for just 30 minutes and watch Cougar Town Wednesdays on
ABC, we might buy that Courteney Cox is one. Sure, that’s a stretch, but it is
an all-too-real situation for some women and an all-too-lucky break for young
men everywhere. So grab the concealer and a heaping helping of Wonderbra; we’re
throwing a Cougar Town party!
Setting the scene:
To set the proper tone we suggest hanging a
banner over your front door that reads “Welcome to Cougar Town!” with a smaller
sign at the door that says “Taste Testing in Progress.” You see, the girls
aren’t exactly subtle. And in an effort to prove they’ve still got it, cougars
are willing to give it away (see the aforementioned lucky young men). But they
realize a little maintenance might be in order, so fill one section of the room
with the latest fads in exercise equipment to tone up
those flabby arms and jiggling thighs and that bulging waistline: a ThighMaster, yoga mat, exercise balls, Ab Circle Pros, Perfect
Pushups, a mini trampoline and a Denise Austin Mini Stepper Plus. Offer
everyone a “Go Cougars” button from the Brigham Young University bookstore. Have a few life-sized cardboard cutouts of Zac Efron and Chace Crawford – shirtless if possible. Feel free to raffle them off
during the night. Party favors can include gift certificates for Brazilian
waxes, TakeOuts Breast Enhancers, Spanx and Yummie Tummies. To add to the fun,
feel free to send an invite to a local frat house.
It doesn’t matter what you wear as long as
it’s low cut and has Wonderbra underpinnings. Think a nice leopard-print wrap
dress from Diane von Furstenberg. If all else fails, suggest the
“40 Is the New 20” T-shirts from the “Cougar Town” store on ABC.com.
On the menu:
Raw meat! Actually, cougars tend to eat
only during happy hour, so load up on appetizers from T.G.I. Friday’s: mozzarella
sticks, cheddar and bacon potato skins, chicken quesadillas, Buffalo wings, and
popcorn chicken. And don’t forget the full bar!
On the hi-fi:
Mrs. Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel, Stacy’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne, Maggie May by Rod Stewart, See You When
You’re 40 by Dido, Grown Woman by Mary J. Blige.
Though cougars can happen
anywhere, why not move this party to a place where they are not only accepted
but embraced? Literally. Yep, let’s swing in San Diego,
where silicone and dermabrasion have given cougars a little more bite. Don’t
believe us? Del Mar Thoroughbred Club – “Where the Surf Meets
the Turf” – now has an annual Miss Cougar Contest!