Bobby decides to throw one last barbecue before he hands Southfork over to the fake conservancy. Things are moving along pretty quickly, with Bobby and Ann already packing up things for their new condo. You know what else is moving at breakneck pace? Marta’s love for John Ross. Suddenly she’s acting like they’re omigodsoulmates4eva! even though John Ross can barely stand to be in the same room with her. Also, everybody keeps calling her Marta even after they out her real name. J.R. hires a guy named Bum (I love you, Texas) to dig up some dirt on her. Turns out she has a history of stalking her boyfriends. Bum snaps some pictures of John Ross getting cozy with Elena, which J.R. uses to send Marta into a jealous rage. She and J.R. make a new deal that cuts John Ross completely out of Southfork.
Meanwhile, John Ross is oblivious to the extent of his daddy’s scheme and keeps working in both their interests. To blackmail Mitch Lobell’s son, he blackmails Rebecca into seducing the poor sap. He wants pictures of Lobell doing drugs or he’ll tell Christopher about that damnable email. At first she agrees, but has a change of heart when her intended victim turns out to be a decent guy. Well, sort of decent, anyway. When John Ross tells Marta about the failed plan, she happily volunteers to get the job done – and succeeds. Once she finds out John Ross has been lying to her about their Epic Love, she hands the incriminating photos to J.R., who uses them to get Mitch Lobell off his back.
Somewhere along the way, Bobby and Christopher help a cow give birth. She dies in the process, providing a strained metaphor about adoption and love triangles. Christopher decides to end things with Elena for good by being kind of a jerk to her. He recommits himself (again) to his wife, who starts to confess to him about the whole email thing just as the episode ends. Stay tuned for the full weecap.