david hasselhoff dwts 'Dancing With the Stars' Diary: A Bergeron with extra cheeseZap2it‘s weekly “‘Dancing With the Stars’ Diary” offers fans a backstage pass to everybody’s favorite only reality competition that throws celebrities at the mercy of that fickle mistress we call dance.

Oh, David. Sometimes the heart wants what the body just can’t oblige. And your knees clearly aren’t fans of “Dancing With the Stars.”

When Tom Bergeron opened the results show by teasing that the first elimination even shocked the producers, we thought it was a tactic to get people to sit through an hour of labored stalling. But this was a big one. People adore the Hoff, and we pegged him as lasting quite awhile. And had he been judged on that rehearsal montage of strange guttural noises, he surely would have.

But all that’s left to do now is sweep away the pieces of his shattered dreams while we assess the big moments that happened on and off camera during the results taping:

We didn’t see it coming

  • We’d be lost without the “DWTS” house band, but watching the pros dance to Santana‘s wall of sound was sublime. It seemed to shake the studio right off its foundation. For a moment we thought it was an earthquake or Kym Johnson
    dancing without the proper support.
  • If you think Margaret Cho looked surprised when she was announced as safe, you should have seen how far the grin spread afterward. We’re glad to see her stick around and show a more serious side next week — but not as happy as her staff. We think we saw either her publicist or assistant run outside to breathe sweet, fresh air the moment the word came.
  • Shameful admission: We’re — and I’m segueing to the royal “we” for a moment — a bit of a “DWTS” virgin. (Please, hold your rotten produce!) But man, is everyone else aware of Bergeron’s status as world’s biggest charm-ball? His on-camera puns, one-liners and supreme skill at knowing just how cheesy to get are only outmatched by how dry he is between takes. We’re totally crushing.

In the ballroom bleachers

  • Past contestants really have an allegiance to this show. Niecy Nash stuck around for two nights in a row, and she’s a busy woman. She even hung out backstage for half of the results to meet with all the crew and grab a cookie.
  • As we just noted, having “DWTS” alums around warms our TV-loving cockles, but must they really highlight Adam Carolla? If you heard laughter during that unnecessary “Tour de Dance” vignette, it’s because the audio on your tube briefly broadcast a laugh track feed from an “Everybody Loves Raymond” rerun. Crickets, we tell you.
  • For the love of Ray J! Brandy‘s bro was supporting his sister in the front row, and we couldn’t help but notice the way he was eying seatmate  and “Better With You” star Joanna Garcia? We’re digging the new red locks as much as anyone, but you might want to be more subtle on live TV.

Backstage banter

  • “I was freaking out,” says Lacey Schwimmer, who had to sweat out the results with partner Kyle Massey until the last moment. Her coping method? “I was making animal noises, [and] squeezing his hand. It was just so tiring.”
  • Poor Bristol Palin must get tired of fielding so many questions about her mother — especially now that she was a no-show for the season premiere. But will we be seeing Sarah next week? A “hopefully” is all Bristol’s giving us right now.
  • “There’s so many more fun things I wanted to do with the Hoff,” exiting Kym Johnson tells press just after her eliminated partner was rushed from the studio. “I was really having fun with him.” But that might not be all for them, there’s always the finale. And Kym says she might come up with a special routine for the two when the entire cast returns for the crowing of the Season 11 winner.

So, the Hoff: gone too soon or just taking care of the inevitable right off the bat? 

Follow Zap2it and MikeyLikesTV on Twitter and Zap2it on Facebook for the latest TV, movie and celebrity news.

Photo credit: ABC

Posted by:Mikey O'Connell