tom bergeron dwts 320 'Dancing With The Stars' recap: Monkeying AroundOkay, for once, the recap of what happened on last week’s “Dancing With the Stars” made me laugh because they highlighted The Situation’s pulsating pecs and… I don’t know. I’m easy. And also, it was ridiculous, and I am a fan of the ridiculous.

This week is TV Theme Week, which seems kind of recursive. Wouldn’t it be kind of awesome if someone danced to the “Dancing With The Stars” theme? Why do you think the producers decided to do all of these theme weeks this season? To mix it up? Like, what is the point of having a theme? Does it make for a better episode? I don’t think it does.

Anyway, Audrina and Tony are up first. In a taped segment, Len recaps Audrina’s dances so far, and praises her improvement from week to week. He notes that she has small improvements to make — footwork and hip action, to name two. Len also wants Tony to push Audrina with the choreography. He thinks that Audrina’s waltz was her best dance, because she put her heart into it. Really? Because I think she had the same blank look on her face that she always does. She danced beautifully, but I wasn’t getting the whole acting thing.

Bruno is up next to review Kyle and Lacey. Bruno likes Kyle’s personality and musicality. He thinks Kyle does well with Latin, but not ballroom, and he needs to lift from his chest and not his chin. The footage highlights how Kyle raises his chin, and also how he leads with his toes (Latin) and not his heel (as you should in ballroom). Bruno’s favorite dance from Kyle was the cha cha cha. Mmm. Okay. I guess it might have been his favorite, but I have yet to be wowed by Kyle as much as the judges have been.

And Carrie Ann is here to go over Brandy’s dancing. Carrie Ann points out how Brandy has learned to use her long arms since the first week, but she needs to work on spotting with her head. Carrie Ann thinks that Brandy is insecure, so she doesn’t hold her forms long enough to have an impact. And her best dance so far, according to Carrie Ann, was the rumba.

Are we going to have a critique of every star before we even see any dancing? That’s lame.

After the commercials, Len is going to tell us what’s up with Kurt and Anna. In the first week, Kurt had frying-pan hands, but he improved a bit, though he still has places to go. Len also wants him to turn his toes out and not in. Hey, he’s no Situation. Len loved their jive most of all, and it probably didn’t hurt that Anna was wearing the hottest outfit that week. I think this week, I’m going to keep an eye on the other male celebs’ hands and see what they do.

Bruno is going to talk about Bristol. He admires her guts, and compliments her musicality and coordination. He does think that she needs to work on her performing ability, and her ability to sell the dance. And of course, she needs to work on being comfortable with being sexy. I almost wish she, or someone in her circle, would do an interview about how being sexy doesn’t mean having sex, and that it’s okay to be sexy and feel sexy while being abstinent. But that might not go down well with her mom’s followers, so I guess it won’t happen. Bruno thinks her best dance was the quickstep. I still don’t get how she’s getting higher scores than Kurt.

Florence, according to Len, is a consummate entertainer. He admires her timing, but admits that she won’t be able to compete with the youngsters in the flashiness department. Len thinks that she can compete with them in her footwork and technical ability, so she should emphasize that. And gross, he thinks their best dance was the rumba. Blech.

I really wish they had done three critiques, then three dances, and followed that pattern. I don’t mind all the critiques, but I have to watch the show. I feel like other people will tune out for the first hour and then come back for the actual dancing. Right? …

So, who is going home tomorrow night? I actually think people might take pity on Bristol, even though she honestly deserves to go home for that routine, and they’ll vote for Kyle because his routine was fun, so it might be Florence going home. We’ll see — here are the scores:

Brandy and Maks: 27

Jennifer and Derek: 25

Kurt and Anna: 24

Rick and Cheryl: 24

Audrina and Tony: 23

Florence and Corky: 21

Kyle and Lacey: 20

Bristol and Mark: 18

Photo credit: ABC

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