Do you hear that? Us neither.
Things are disturbingly quiet on the “Dancing With the Stars” front, and we’re less than a week away from the big Feb 28 reveal of the Season 12 cast.
At any rate, we’re impressed by the secrecy. This time last season we’d nailed down almost the entire line-up.
So while most of the cast has likely already signed their respective dotted lines, indulge us a little eleventh hour analysis, speculation and dream-casting. Stars, ahoy!
If we’re to believe the New York Post, this one is a done deal. And as much as it would pain us to see her talk show go on hiatus, Williams would be an indisputable pip on “DWTS.” We welcome her likely inclusion.
Numerous wrestling websites have suggested that the former WWE Star is a shoo-in for the series. And in recent interviews, he’s been suspiciously coy.
Let’s be honest. The tea party was very kind to ABC during Season 11, so why wouldn’t they offer a spot to their most cartoonish member who made an unsuccessful bid for a U.S. Senate seat in 2010? Expect the “DWTS” bylaws to soon include restriction on use of witchcraft during rehearsals.
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
The “Jersey Shore” crew needs to get its cred back. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino was a hit on Season 11 of “DWTS”… but only because he’s charming. His dancing was a disaster. It seems appropriate that the series would try to tap another of the MTV stars to redeem their fallen brother.
Rumors we refuse to believe
Recently checked into rehab and famous for more dubious reasons than Bristol Palin, Charlie Sheen‘s ex is a frequently heard name in the Season 12 pool. There may not be letters in the alphabet for the guttural noise we’re making right now.
It’s probably still too soon for image rehab for the once beloved quarterback, so we’re inclined to agree with his daughter’s tweet that this rumor is a no-go. Let’s revisit the idea once he’s sat out for a few football seasons and settled into a more private life.
See Brooke Mueller.
One of the first names thrown into the rumor pool, Lamas is — how do we put this? — such an uninspired choice. His pseudo-fame is not one we particularly care to revisit, and the show has proven, especially with the last two seasons, that it can do a lot better. No offense, “Renegade.”
Our humble suggestions
The good reverend recently told TMZ he was too busy to join the next season of “DWTS,” but made careful note of adding that “there would be no chance for anybody to touch [him.]” We request that he take a second and third look at his schedule, stat.
Ever since we saw “Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work,” we’ve been sympathetic towards the frequently mocked 77-year-old comedian. It would do her good to be put in arena known for unquestioning praise.
Chad Michael Murray
Who’s a reasonably well known actor whose obviously in need of work? Who likes experimenting with facial hair more than Maksim Chmerkovskiy? Who would we love to see embarrassed on national TV for an inevitable lack of rhythm? CM2, that’s who.
You heard us. We love Long. And though she has been largely absentee since her notoriously ill-advised departure for “Cheers,” her select cameos on “Modern Family” have awakened our slumbering affection for her. You already have her number, ABC.
What do you think “DWTS” fans — are there any must-haves or deal-breakers you have in mind for Season 12?