aclown and monkey 'Desperate Housewives': Creepier: monkeys or clowns?Tonight on “Desperate Housewives,” Susan shoots Katherine. But more importantly… A MONKEY ATTACKS A CLOWN.

Gabby
Apparently Gabby is a little “cavalier” with her daughters, to the point where other moms don’t want their daughters playing at Gabby’s house. Um, that’s ridiculous. Nobody watches their kids every second, my mom certainly didn’t. Kids are tough, suck it up stodgy housewives.

When everybody cancels on Juanita’s birthday party because one uppity witch is spreading rumors, Gabby spends a ton of money on a cotton candy machine, a clown, a bouncy house and a monkey so the little girls all freak out and demand to go to the party. That’s our Gabby.

Predictably, the birthday party goes wrong. The monkey goes nutso and attacks the clown and sends the kids screaming. But I’m with Gabby, that’s not her fault. Perhaps she shouldn’t have been having a margarita with Susan at the time of the attack, but what would she have done if she’d been standing there? Taken down the monkey herself? I don’t think so.

Later Carlos reassures her that their girls are smart and independent  because Gabby doesn’t hover over them. His examples are that when the monkey went crazy, Juanita zipped herself inside the bouncy house and Celia played dead. HAHA!

Susan
The whole neighborhood welcomes Julie home from the hospital. Nick approaches her at the party (as Danny looks on), but Julie says it’s over between them. When Danny talks to her later, Julie says she can’t sleep at night after being attacked. So he gives her a gun to make her feel safer. Yeah, that oughta work.

At the Neighborhood Watch meeting, Katherine is shooting her crazy-eyes all over Susan and Mike. Susan doesn’t want Katherine patrolling because she’s so looney tunes and they snark at each other. Awesome.

Later, when someone is outside Susan’s house in the bushes, Julie gets out Danny’s gun. Susan takes it and accidentally shoots Katherine. Oh, whatever. It’s just a graze. Bitch had it comin’.

Lynette
Mrs. McCluskey gets Lynette to hire her boyfriend Roy as a handyman, but when Roy totally defers to Tom for every household decision, Lynette gets her bread-winning panties all in a bunch because of Roy not listening to her. When confronted, he says it’s because he respects Tom because he’s the “man of the house” so Lynette fires him.

When Lynette tells Tom, he goes to Roy and Tom explains that Lynette grew up with a dad and a drinker of a mom and was responsible for everyone. It gave her a fear of things falling apart and a need to control things. Tom says Lynette can’t control everything but she can control Tom, if he lets her, and so he does let her because it makes her feel safe. And that is his job as a husband. Awww. Love Tom and Lynette.

Bree
A maid at the motorlodge overhears Bree talking to Orson and puts 2 and 2 together. When Bree comes home bitching about the “woman” at the “cafe” who got all uppity and superior with her, Orson advises her to set this woman straight.

So the next day, Bree helps the maid clean the room while defending her actions but the maid says Orson is a good man because he did the shopping (which she overheard Bree say). Oh, big deal. Orson sucks. 

The next time, Bree calls the maid out on having been cheated on but the maid says she was the one who cheated and she lost her good husband AND her boyfriend. Bree confesses to feeling guilty all the time and she thinks Orson shouldn’t love her anymore because she’s not worth it. When Karl arrives, the maid then drops a groan-worthy anvil by saying she’s “just turning on a light.” Oh gag me. That is just bad writing.

The Bolens

Danny is pissed at Nick for cheating on his mom and threatens to tell Angie, so Nick calls his bluff and says that the affair won’t destroy, it’s knowing that Danny knew about it that will. Low blow, Nick.

When Susan shoots Katherine with the Bolens gun (which is registered under their real name), Angie and Nick intervene. Angie goes to Katherine, plays up on her cuckoopants behavior and gets her not to call the police.

Thoughts & Tidbits

  • In the Lynette vs Roy conflict, I’m totally with Lynette. Even if Lynette is controlling, that does not give Old Man River license to be a total jerk, ignoring her every idea and checking with Tom. I would’ve wanted to punch the 2000 Year-Old Man, so I admire Lynette’s restraint.
  • I’ll say again, the other moms getting all uppity about Gabby is ridiculous. No mom watches their kids every second of the day and sledding down the staircase to our basement in a sleeping bag was one of my brother’s and my favorite activities as kids.
  • Katherine’s haughty little faces at Susan? Make me want to slap that smirk right off.
  • The visual gag of Marcia Cross unloading the gun? AWESOME.
  • Laura: And of course this means Rachel won’t be attending Juanita’s birthday party.
    Gabby: More cake for us! Beat it!
  • Mike: Susan, you do not want to pour gasoline on this fire.
    Susan: You’re right. I want to pour gasoline on Katherine and if you love me at all, you’ll give me a match and an alibi.
  • Lynette: I know, since you’re using a cell phone, you know what century it is.
Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."