Wives_desperatehousewives_290 Tonight on “Desperate Housewives,” we get some excellent stuff from Teri Hatcher and Neal McDonough and some hottie-hotness between Karl and Bree.

Susan’s Suitor(s)

Susan gets Mike alone and asks him if he loves Catherine. He answers

affirmatively and she wishes him well. Meanwhile, Jackson gets

questioned about the nightclub fire while in immigration detainment and

tells them he saw Dave Williams coming out of the storage room.

Before the trip to Vegas to get married, Catherine grabs the Dave videotape (labeled

“Band”) and takes it with them to record over. Mike sees the tape while

Catherine is getting coffee and runs off.

Deranged Dave
Dave makes a videotape about why he has to kill MJ Delfino (to make Susan suffer). He’s crying and it’s all-around creepsville. Susan agrees to bring MJ on a fishing trip with him and before they leave, Dave gives Mike his creepy psycho killer videotape. We then flash back to the day of Dave’s family’s accident, when he insisted his wife and daughter go for ice cream. They never came home. Ouch. It shows the accident, where a stop sign was knocked down and Susan ran it, albeit unknowingly.

On the fishing trip, Mike (having seen the videotape) calls Susan, tips her off and calls the cops. Susan tries to stall but Dave refuses to pull over, so she hands MJ a juice box. Heh heh. Dave pulls over into a totally creepy wooded area, but the detectives call Dave and ask him to turn himself in. While he’s distracted, Susan clubs him over the head and she and MJ run into the woods. Susan goes all Slasher Movie on us and sprains her ankle, then sends MJ running into the woods to hide, telling him it’s a game and that it’s really important that he wins. It’s just heartbreaking. Dave pulls a gun on her, demanding that she call him and Susan yells, “MJ… DON’T COME OUT!” Dave clubs her with the gun and takes off after MJ. It’s really nice work by Teri Hatcher.

Dave stalks MJ through a conveniently-placed cemetary and finally brings him back to a groggy Susan. Back in the car, Dave holds Susan at gunpoint as MJ listens to music in the backseat. Susan tries to talk Dave down, apologizing for the accident. Mike calls, tells Dave he’s on Rte 12 and Dave tells him to meet them at an abandoned gas station near the site of the accident.

Dave ties Susan to a post and is going to make her watch as Mike plows into Dave and MJ. Dave gets back in the car and unbuckles MJ. It’s one of the creepiest things ever. Suddenly, he hallucinates his daughter in the backseat. Susan wiggles free in time to flag Mike down, but he plows into Dave’s car anyway. Fortunately, Dave had gotten MJ out first. The family hugs, Mike kisses Susan and the waterworks are happening at the Reiher house. Dave awakens in the car and flashes back to the night his family died, only this time he tells them not to go for ice cream and that work can wait, so they stay with him instead of going out to be killed in the accident. Aw man. Sniffle.

Dave is locked away in a mental hospital.

Biddy’s Business
Claire the secretary calls Roberta and Karen about Dr. Heller being dead, so they’re on the case! That’s our girls. They break into Dave’s house while he’s on the fishing trip (using the key Edie gave Karen), but the police arrive while they’re searching the house. They help put it together that Mike and Susan killed Dave’s family.

Lynette’s Litter
Preston wants to go to Europe instead of college, so Lynette makes Tom take Preston on a campus visit. Preston still wants Europe, Tom is ready to sign up. To major in Chinese. Guh! I am SO sick of Tom’s midlife crisis crap. Gabby advises her to go all Lysistrata on his ass, but Bree says she can be more cunning than that.

Lynette overhears a message that Tom’s admissions test has been moved and she conveniently doesn’t tell him, instead taking him out to dinner (and drinking). That’s our Lynette. Tom finally hears the message at 2:00 am when he’s drunk on tequila and he’s half-drunk when he actually takes the test. It then turns out Tom wants to major in Chinese because it would help him in the marketplace and allow him to reinvent himself. Lynette realizes what she’s done, just as Tom apologizes for letting her down. That’s right! Twist that knife a little deeper, Tom.

However, Tom passes with flying colors and everyone is happy… except Porter, who is attending the same school. Snerk. Lynette can’t quite be happy for him, though, because she is feeling rundown and thinks her cancer might be coming back. I bet she’s pregnant!

And I am RIGHT! Lynette tells Tom and they have an “we’re old!” freak out. Especially once Lynette tells him it’s twins. Heh heh.

Gabby’s Gathering
Gabby and Carlos take the girls to a BBQ at Carlos’s Aunt Connie’s house. Aunt Connie hasn’t been doing so well financially, so Gabby wears lots of expensive jewelry just to screw with her. That’s our Gabby. After lunch, Aunt Connie announces that she’s dying and can no longer take care of her granddaughter Anna. Carlos guilts Gabby into it because Aunt Connie took care of him.

It turns out Aunt Connie isn’t dying and that Anna is, well, a hottie and uses her hotness to get guys to do and buy stuff for her (including the Scavo boys). She’s also a bit of a bitch, manipulating Carlos against Gabby.

Bree’s Breaking n Entering
Bree comes home to find all her stuff back in her house. Orson wants to know why and Bree finally tells him she wants a divorce. She says he can have whatever he wants because she’s tired of sneaking around. Orson wants to talk about it, but Bree says all she wants is out. That’s our Bree. Ouch. Also, who is that old man and what has he done with Kyle MacLachlan. Oh, Agent Cooper! You’re so old!

Orson gets his, though, when he blackmails Bree into staying. Either she stays or he turns her into the police for her insurance fraud. Bree turns to Karl for help, who sics a thug on Orson. At home, Bree assures him that she would never do that and Orson goes a little nutty when he apologizes for suspecting her, says he’ll stay and is excited that Bree can mend his shirt.

Bree confronts Karl and it devolves into a big ol’ smooch. I like the chemistry with these two, so I’m okay with that. Also, Karl looks good for a guy who took a head spade to the face last Saturday.

Catherine’s Crazypants
Catherine spends all episode getting nuttier and nuttier regarding Susan and Mike. Before Catherine and Mike leave for Las Vegas, she hears some church bells and fondles her garter. That’s our Catherine?

Two Months Later
Gabby is still keeping tabs on Anna, Lynette is having morning sickness, Bree is still with Orson but is making eyes at Karl and Mike is getting married. But we don’t see the bride!

Best Line
Doctor: You’re pregnant. About six weeks or so.
Lynette: …are you sure it’s not cancer

Oooh, the bride better be Susan. I mean, why would Karl be there if it wasn’t? What did you guys think? Good season finale?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."