Tonight on “Desperate Housewives,” there’s a new family on Wisteria Lane headed by Drea de Matteo and Jeffrey Nordling. Did their son kill Julie Mayer?
Tonight’s episode catches us up on the events since last year’s season finale via flashbacks. But we start at the wedding, which is the present time.
Susan’s White Wedding
We find out right at the top that Susan is the woman marrying Mike, which is awesome. What it takes us all episode to find out is that she and Katherine had a fight the day of the weddding and Susan locked Katherine in the closet of her dressing room. HAHA!
Katherine’s White Straitjacket
Katherine takes Susan’s wedding gown delivery and when Susan comes to pick it up from her, she’s wearing it. Because apparently Katherine has gone ’round the bend. I mean, I get that she’s jilted but that was a bit cray-cray. At the wedding, Katherine confronts Susan about her avoidance of the whole issue. Katherine wants Susan to make a public apology to her in the MIDDLE of the ceremony or she’ll make a huge scene. Yeah, Katherine’s lost it.
When Katherine busts out of the dressing room and crashes the ceremony, Mike asks her nicely to leave and says that if she doesn’t, he’ll drag her out of the church himself. Katherine looks ashamed and turns to go, but then Susan actually does apologize to her in front of all the people and Susan Mayer ACTUALLY calls herself “selfish.” Hell just froze over. Katherine tells Susan privately that the apology didn’t help.
Lynette’s White Baby Powder
Lynette manages to get her Child Despair all over a new expectant mother at the OBGYN office because she loves nothing more than to spread her sarcastic misery all over town. I heart Lynette. She and Tom are fairly gobsmacked about the prospect of two more children.
By episode’s end, Tom is happy about the kids but Lynette still isn’t. She’s now despairing because she doesn’t love these babies like she did with the other ones. Once again, Felicity Huffman manages to take a storyline that could’ve been really lame and actually move me to tear up. Man, she’s good. Doug Savant is great too, which is good because NOBODY wanted him back on “Melrose Place.”
Bree’s White Egyptian Cotton
Bree spends all episode avoiding an affair with Karl but eventually starts sleeping WITH Karl and IN the guest room at home. Orson is still blackmailing her into staying with him. Unfortunately, that is all we get of Bree this evening.
Gabby’s White Guardian Papers
Gabby is dealing with wild child niece Ana and Carlos is still being a giant wuss about taking a firm hand with her. When Ana sneaks out to a club opening, Gabby tracks her down and gets the angry club mob to hand her over with the threat of drug-sniffing dogs. HAHA! The two ladies have a heart-to-heart and it sounds like Ana just wants a home. She says she wants to be on her own and tries to act tough, but when Gabby signs the papers to make her and Carlos Ana’s legal guardians, Ana touches the contract after Gabby leaves.
Angie White Scars
New housewife Angie Bolen has hit the block with her husband Nick. They move into Mary Alice’s old house with their son Danny, who takes quite a shine to Julie Mayer. Guess who else takes a shine to Julie? Danny’s father. And Julie does not seem to mind. Perhaps she’ll continue with her Older Man Thing.
Danny asks Julie out, but later they have a fight. We don’t yet know what about. At the end of the episode, Angie reveals some NASTY scars on her back and then someone chokes Julie (to death? into unconsciousness?) and leaves her on the ground. It was probably Danny. So a weird loner kid likes Julie a little too much and his psycho side comes through. Hello season 1, how’ve you been?
Thoughts & Tidbits
- Love Drea de Matteo and Jeffrey Nordling as Angie and Nick Bolen
- Glad to see Andrea Bowen back as Julie. Hopefully she sticks around (and isn’t dead)
- I just couldn’t drum up much sympathy for Katherine because she was acting so looney tunes.
- Orson: You do realize in prison I went three whole years without any sex.
Bree: No! But thank you for clearing up a question I never quite knew how to ask.