We’re chugging right along toward a whole mess of revealing and resolving on Desperate Housewives, and while the plot may seem at times to be dragging inevitably toward the mystery’s conclusion, I’m enjoying the twists, turns, and witty repartee we find along the way.
Lynette: First I must say this: If you need to be forced to sit down and eat fresh waffles, there’s something seriously wrong with you. I’m looking at you, Scavo children. Unfortunately, family waffle time is interrupted when the police come to arrest Porter. Shouldn’t the police have wondered how Dave knew it was Porter, and not Preston, in the club? At any rate, Mary Alice informs us that it will be many years before the Scavos will have breakfast together again.
With Bob as his lawyer, Porter admits to his parents that he has an embarrassing alibi: He was at Edie’s. Tom: "What’s wrong with girls your own age?! Do you know what I would give to sleep with a 17-year-old?" Ha! It turns out, though, that he was there to steal her gun and "scare" Mr. Schilling, not to sleep with her. So…worst alibi ever, basically. And it does beg the question: How did he know that Edie kept her gun in her dresser? Lynette does her crazy mother thing and returns the gun to Edie’s house. She really takes this mama bear stuff to the extreme, doesn’t she?
Bail is set at $20,000, which they would be able to scrape up if Lynette hadn’t secretly given all their emergency money to Ann Schilling to get her out of town and keep her quiet. Bob acts horrified when she confesses this to him, but he had to know that they wouldn’t be ideal clients after he heard Porter’s "alibi," right? Lynette uses the restaurant as collateral for a bail bondsman, again secretly, which becomes a problem when Porter skips town after being threatened by Mr. Schilling, leaving Preston to take his place at the arraignment. Anyone else reminded of George Sr. and Oscar Bluth? No? Lynette, unwilling to lose the restaurant by admitting to the judge that Porter ran, allows Preston to take his place. Worse mom ever?
Bree: I am completely loving this plotline. More Andrew, please! Bree, upon finding out that Andrew and Alex (Orson’s doctor) are an item, invites them both over to dinner. She awkwardly tries to express her approval, and invites Bob and Lee to enjoy in the awkwardness. Over Andrew’s objections, Alex announces that they’re getting married. Bree eagerly agrees to plan the wedding, without being asked. So clearly, the "Eagle State" isn’t meant to represent California.
There’s just one fly in the ointment: Bob and Lee recognize Alex from an adult film. Bree: "By ‘adult,’ you mean complex and sophisticated?" No, not so much. And she chooses to break the news to Andrew in the most sensitive way possible: by presenting him with a copy of the movie in question. Turns out, he already knows — Alex needed the money for med school, and made a mistake. Andrew’s cool with it, since he doesn’t want to be a hypocrite with his checkered past, and he loves Alex and all. Awww…way to teach Bree a valuable lesson about not being awful! It’s actually really sweet, and he appreciates that Bree was willing to rent gay porn for him.
Susan: Katherine’s tagging along with M.J. and Mike so that M.J. can get to know her as Mike’s girlfriend, but M.J. freaks out on her, throwing ice cream in her hair and later dropping a bowling ball on her shoe. Apparently, Susan told M.J. in an attempt to comfort him right after Mike left that Mike may come back, so M.J. doesn’t want Katherine getting in the way. And M.J. isn’t the only one who believed it — Susan feels like she needs closure, too. But Mike can’t face the prospect of saying out loud that they’ll never be together again, either. And if I sound bored writing this, it’s because I was pretty bored watching it, too. Super predictable and clichéd. I’m assuming that they’re trying to build sympathy for the three of them as a family in advance of Dave’s actions. Otherwise, I don’t get it.
Gaby: Carlos can see!!! Shapes and shadows at first, but it improves rapidly. Unfortunately for Gaby, this means that Carlos is now able to discover all the stuff she sold to keep their family afloat during the past five years, including a family heirloom baseball signed by Lou Gehrig. He’s upset, understandably. To get it back, Gaby has to dance on a table for the Italian businessman who bought it. While she’s gone, Carlos realizes that she sold most of her designer clothes and shoes to make ends meet, too, and he feels like a big jerk. Yup. And so he buy a fancy new dress for her with the money that he got from re-selling the baseball. Aww! These guys seriously ARE the best couple on the show.
Dave: Brace yourselves, guys: It was the car wreck thing all along! Maybe! Dave is plagued by visions of a woman carrying a small blonde child, first asking them to go away while claiming he still loves them (Lynette overhears), then visiting them in the graveyard and telling them that he has a plan, so they need to wait a little longer before he can be with them. Mike, it seems, has to pay for taking them away from him, and Dave needs just the right moment. He wants Mike to lose what he lost. The graves reveal that he lost Lila Dash (loving wife and mother) and Paige Dash (loving daughter). Chilling!
So what, this whole brother in prison business was a red herring? Or is it more complicated than it seems right now? Because I gotta say, I’m not sure it counts as a surprise ending if you do what was obvious from the beginning after distracting us with a bunch of random filler about a band and your brother.
So…car wreck? More than just the car wreck? Has Lynette gone off the deep end, or are her actions reasonable?