While Dirty Sexy Money has been handling the "dirty" and the "money" part just fine, the "sexy" part has been lagging a little. Nick’s been up on his high marital horse, Jeremy and Nola have been way too gooey, and Tripp has constantly stood by his unfaithful bride. Tonight, DSM finally dove into the deep end of incestuous waters. Everyone was swapping partners to and fro, sneaking dirty little kisses, having torrid sex, and coveting thy neighbor’s wife. This is more like it.

These spoilers think your wife is hot.

Letitia’s paranoia: Thanks to Jeremy’s affair with Nola, Letitia is now a free woman. What better way to celebrate than with one too many mimosas and a fast convertible? Unfortunately for her, she was too busy pretending to be Thelma and/or Louise to notice the girl on a bike. Tripp is already working damage control and brings the girl to the mansion to stay, rather than take her to a hospital. This would be a much easier way to avert the tabloid fodder. Letitia’s not buying it. She thinks this girl, Wrenn, is trying to pull a scam. Wrenn assures Nick that she’s not planning on suing; she’s just enjoying the maid and the thousand thread count sheets. Nick makes her stay for a couple of days to recuperate.

Tripp seems to have taken a liking to this mysterious new girl. It’s hard to tell whether it’s a parent/child type relationship, or if Tripp has some romantic feelings for a girl half his age. With this show, you never know. She tells him how admirable it was that he stayed with Letitia despite her cheating ways for 40 years. He simply says that she was the woman of his dreams, but thanks her for being so blunt.

Patrick’s decision:
Patrick is faced with the big decision of which committee he’ll represent now that he’s a big bad Senator. Tripp, of course, wants to put him on the road to the White House and recommends foreign affairs. Nola, who is trying to persuade the family that she doesn’t hold a grudge, thinks agriculture would be the way to go. It’s not as high profile, and the last thing Patrick needs is more attention. Jeremy spots his ex-lover leaving and isn’t too keen on the idea of her involvement with Patrick. He also thinks that she’s just using Patrick to get to him. Someone’s a little conceited, no?

It’s hard to have a respectable relationship with your son’s chief of staff when it’s the same person who tried to convict you of murder. It’s good that they’re not trying to be civil, because it would all be a lie. Letitia then not-so-subtly spills the beans about her and Jeremy’s little plan of seduction, which ruined Nola’s law career. And the hustler just got hustled. 

Brian’s manipulations: Andrea’s cancer is getting worse by the day, and it seems chemo won’t do much but make her really sick. She doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life bed-ridden and refuses treatment. Brian demands that the doctor sign her up for a new experimental trial, but the doctor says there’s a 12 month waiting list. Brian, ever resourceful, threatens to take back money the family had donated for a new children’s wing unless he gets her in. That’s the spirit!

The next day, Brian tells Andrea that he got her on the medical trial. It seems she’d rather continue her homeopathic treatments and refuses. Then the name calling begins, but quickly morphs into a quickie on top of the yoga mat. Is it sad that this is probably the most functional relationship on the show? Later, Andrea decides that she couldn’t possibly leave Brian Jr. alone with all these nutcases and agrees to the medical trial.

Nick’s fidelity:
  Nick tries his best to woo his wife back with a fancy meal, despite two weeks prior asking Karen to leave Simon to be with him. She falls for it and agrees to move back in. She also tells Nick about her interesting conversation with Simon, who offered Lisa a look at the security tapes of Nick and Karen. He’s more than a little peeved and goes to Simon’s work to threaten him. He kind of fails, though. Simon showed him the video of the conversation Nick had with Karen, and, well, Nick was left without a leg to stand on.

The next morning, Karen’s at Nick’s office for a "closed-door" meeting. He tells her that he has to try to make things work with Lisa. Karen was more than willing to leave Simon for him, but can’t say she was surprised. Nick swears that he’ll always love both Karen and Lisa. Well isn’t that special. Meanwhile, Lisa calls Nick’s office, but Daisy won’t put her through. Lisa figures out that Karen is there and is so livid she decides to view that security tape after all. This can’t be good for the marriage. Lisa decides to confront her lying hubby at the family dinner and all hell breaks loose. Champagne is thrown, names are called, and accusations are made. Then, just like a "Dear Penthouse Forum" letter, Karen and Lisa were entangled in an all-out cat fight.

The fallout: Wrenn, the relative stranger to everyone here, decides to be a brazen little hussy and flirt shamelessly with Nick. The poor guy is feeling a little insecure after losing both of his loves, but Wrenn’s there to pick up the pieces. She also offers up her tongue, which he gladly accepts. Standing in the background watching intently is Tripp, who is either being completely pervy or completely jealous.

Nick’s not the only one being adventurous tonight. Lisa’s gone ahead and wooed Jeremy back to her art gallery for a little comfort. And by comfort I mean sex. Tripp sees this also. Just kidding… that would be gross.

Patrick thanks Nola for her constant support, unaware that he’s being used. Apparently, Simon has forced Nola to recommend the agriculture route for his own bio-fuel plans. How would he go about forcing her, you ask? Simple. He’s kidnapped her little brother and is holding him hostage so she does whatever he wants. It’s all part of the plan to take over the world. Later, Nick grows some balls and threatens Simon. But hey, Simon offered to give Karen back to Nick when he’s done with her. That’s kind of sweet of him, right? It’s like recycling.

What do you think of Nola suddenly being the good guy? Why is Patrick suddenly so dense? Is Lisa sluttier than she pretends to be? And who else is excited for the return of the missing twin Juliette?

Posted by:Brandon Millman