If the pilot approaches the consumer-friendly fun of CBS’s similar “Hawaii Five-0” renaissance, it could end up one of the stronger series of the 2011 fall season.
Except it will almost absolutely be an embarrassing mess for the ages.
Unless, of course, producers stage a casting coup and swoop up a handful of fantastic stars for the five required roles. Televisionary already has the casting breakdown of the new characters, so we’re happy to suggest five wildly unrealistic actors that would guarantee success for this otherwise dull endeavor.
Beyonc� Knowles, Kate Prince
Question: Tell me what you think about this? She’s easily one of the most famous woman on the planet, and in no way needing (or likely wanting) to be on television, but no one could better fit the bill for the “gorgeous” black Angel, Kate. She’s a former cop, the smarty of the trio and somewhat straight-laced, though “she also knows how to let her hair down.” Just like our girl, B. Oh, and she already has a familiarity with the franchise (see below).
Naya Rivera, Marisa Valdez
Just like the original “Charlie’s Angels” had its antsy Farrah, “Glee” will soon lose a major player to the sweet, siren sound of stardom. And since the pilot calls for an ambiguously Latina “Angel,” we nominate Naya Rivera for the part of Marisa Valdez. Santana doesn’t get nearly enough screen time or have much depth, but do you know who does? “An orphan, an immigrant and a former U.S. Marine.” Break that contract, Naya. It’s Emmy time.
Amanda Seyfried, Abby Sampson
Excuse me, it appears we don’t have a blond one. Oh, here she is. Abby is described, more or less, as Serena van der Woodsen with balls of steel. The “daughter of a notorious Wall Street crook a la Bernie Madoff,” “an expert thief and con artist,” she’s also “trained in the deadly art of Krav Maga.” In short, this part requires some chops. And though she recently staged a TV exodus, we’d like to bring Amanda Seyfried back. Right now.
Pam Grier, Bosley
You know what we think about gender roles? Not much. So let’s keep the X chromosomes flying in this remake and recast Bosley as lady. And not just any lady, a lady schooled in the ancient art of the smack down. Pam Grier would be the ideal mentor and, when need be, ally. And since Quentin Tarantino failed to revive her career, we’re taking it upon ourselves.
And to bring things back to Beyonce just one more time, BMG conveniently made her audition reel 10 years ago:
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