For a bunch of people with plenty to hide, the Upper East Siders of “Gossip Girl” sure enjoy exposing everyone else for all the world to see. No secret is safe, and no attempt at self-redemption is allowed to succeed. But hey, the clothes sure are pretty.
The prodigal son, a.k.a. Scott: After Vanessa and Dan catch Scott in a lie about the classes he’s taking and Vanessa learns that he’s not even registered at NYU, he finally knuckles and admits to Vanessa that he’s Lily and Rufus’ long-lost son. Vanessa debunks the lie his parents told about Lily and Rufus not wanting him, which sends him back to mom and dad to find out why they told the HumphderWoodsens he was dead. This is, of course, after he’s been spending time hanging out with Rufus and playing guitar.
Vanessa promises to be at his side when he tells Rufus the truth. Dan and Georgina, who really have mastered the use of Google for detective work, want to expose him as a stalker (sure, Dan — you have a stalker) at the Sotheby’s auction where one of Lily’s photos of rock stars is going up for sale (the pretext for a “family” evening this week). Vanessa pushes to let him explain himself, but then Scott’s mom shows up, saying she was scared to lose him to Lily and Rufus, but now if he wants this, she’ll support him. At the moment of truth, he finks out, saying he’s really the other son, Andrew — the one who actually got killed. Rufus is flooded with relief, Dan’s momentarily appeased, and Vanessa is rightfully confused. Later, Scott tells Vanessa that a reunion will be something he chooses, and he’s heading back to Boston — which Georgina, listening outside the door, overhears.
The Munsters, a.k.a. Blair and Chuck: With each passing week I’m loving Chuck and growing tired of Blair all the more. She’s, ahem, nonplussed because Chuck doesn’t seem to have time for her any more as he begins his attempt to stand on his own baby-mogul feet. Worse, she walks in on Dan and Georgina sucking face and is too grossed out to deal. “From Serena to Georgina — that’s quite a fall, even for you,” she says to Dan.
Blair’s no happier when her attempts at seduction are rebuffed because Chuck’s trying to meet with a new investor for his club — a guy named Steve McPherson who seems to have done more than his fair share of club hopping and star… wooing years back. When the guy’s assistant Chuck that the way to McPherson’s heart is through his past, he spots the artfully placed Sotheby’s auction catalog on the desk, open to an old photo of McPherson, and his mission is engaged.
But Blair, who now has something to live for because she’s been invited to join a snooty secret society, is gunning for the same photo — it’s part of her initiation ritual. Blah blah blah fighting, making out in Blair’s dorm room (like Chuck Bass is going to get it on in a dorm room — please), and they end up at the auction in a pretty funny bidding war over the photo. Serena buys the photo while they’re too distracted to pay attention, to pay them back for setting up Carter in an attempt to prove to her that people — well, Carter at least — don’t change.
In the end, Serena gives the photo to Blair, who gives it to Chuck because she believes in him. Chuck figures out that McPherson’s assistant and Georgina set him and Blair up and outs the assistant to her boss, promising that he’ll be losing the lease on his bar/lounge space in a hotel. Because now Chuck wants to be a hotel mogul. He makes up with Blair after telling the board of Bass Industries he wants to cash out his shares and make it on his own. Is Chuck a budding Andre Balazs?
Dan’s ill-advised hookup, a.k.a. Georgina: I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to think of Georgina as the antichrist, but her skin’s too pretty for me to buy it all the way. Nonetheless, she just can’t seem to keep out of mischief, sending Blair the phony invite, conspiring with McPherson’s assistant to pit Chuck and Blair against one another, getting a little too attached to Dan (though one screen saver photo does not yet an obsession make), and spies to learn the truth about Scott’s identity. At the auction, Serena spends about half a calorie’s worth of energy telling Georgina she’ll be backing Blair when and if she strikes back. Serena, of course, tells Dan about Georgina’s dirty deeds, and he suggests the ol’ “let’s take a break.” Great. Which sends her to Boston to follow Scott.
Pretty but maybe not so bright, a.k.a. Serena: Serena spends a good deal of time swanning around insisting that Carter’s a changed man — though at least she’s wearing actual clothes and not rompers this week. But she begins to have her doubts when a girl claiming to have slept with Carter slaps him on the street, and when there’s a giant room service bill at the hotel where they were supposed to stay for the weekend. He swears he’s not the culprit of either caper, but she doesn’t believe him. Of course, Blair and Chuck are behind both incidents — Blair determined to protect Serena and Chuck just because he hates Carter. Chuck tells her Carter’s been running around Greece, and suddenly it makes sense — he’s looking for Serena’s father. Serena and Carter make up, and join the extended Vanderphrey clan for breakfast.
Nate and Bree, a.k.a. give them something to do: Nate and Bree (Joanna Garcia) go public with their relationship at the Sotheby’s auction, kissing up a storm outside the building. Inside, Bree overhears Serena talking about Carter, and later leaves us hoping for a little bit of intrigue when she confronts Carter on the street from the back of her limo. She’s headed home to face the family firing squad, and considering what he did to them, she thinks finding Carter will go a long way toward winning back her family’s affections. Let’s hope this gets good.
What did you think? Are you amazed that anyone’s ever dumb enough to think that something bad happening isn’t because of Blair and Chuck sabotaging it? Do you have any theories about why Scott chickened out of telling Rufus who he really is? And when do you think that Georgina’s evil will finally come to a head?
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