gossip girl season 5 'Gossip Girl' recap: How To Succeed In Business Without Doing Much Of AnythingBlair’s big story this week, besides her bushy orange eyebrows, is a minion-off to determine her bridesmaids, although nothing much really happens there. Mostly it’s a way to bring up the fact that Blair is or was once a schemer, while Louis is not… So that he can then ironically turn heel. But since it’s Louis, he does it in a half-assed way that ends up mostly screwing over Louis and Louis alone.

Having found the paternity test, Louis tries to get that therapist lady to turn Chuck back into a monster so that Blair won’t go back to him. But Chuck’s dedication to his own personal development is such that she ends up reneging on her deal with Louis — and sinking her own practice in the doing. In the end, Chuck visits Blair to apologize for every single thing he’s ever done wrong — it’s pretty neat, actually — while Louis has made himself look pretty awful, so I guess both dudes are back in play. Which sucks, because Blair’s still pregnant and running out of options, stuck between the two guys who most hate for her to have options.

Much more interesting is, get this, the Serena/Dan plot. Serena runs interference between her boss and Dan, eventually getting him to step down as the screenwriter for Jane’s adaptation. When she learns that Jane plans on hiring Sorkin to make the story a Zuckerbergian attack on Dan himself, Serena selects the nuclear option, using Jane’s history with Diana Payne to get the film cancelled altogether. Dan drops off the bestseller list after a single week, and Serena agrees to blog for Diana herself, as a sort of antidote to Gossip Girl and the general surveillance and celebrity that have always hounded her. We’ll see how well that goes, I guess. Meanwhile, nice scrunchie.

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