Yes, we went there. Deal. With. It.
We once wrote an article comparing “Gossip Girl’s” Dan and Blair to “The O.C.’s” Seth and Summer. We will admit, we were wrong.
Before you start saying ‘I told you so!’, we have a new comparison to make… because why not? Dan and Blair are to “GG” what Pacey and Joey were to “Dawson’s Creek.”
How did we arrive at this mind-blowing and life-altering conclusion? Well, you’ll have to read through our ten favorite moment and quotes from the show’s Feb. 28 episode, “Empire of the Son,” to find out. We know we’re cruel, but you know you love us. XOXO.
10. Gossip Girl Word Count!
This episode’s GGWC champion: Vanessa Abrams with less than 80 words. What does she win? Us not complaining that she ruined more than just two scenes, that’s what.
Also, didn’t you love how Barista Vanessa just strolled into Lily’s place like she owned the joint all like, “Oh, hi Lily! ‘Memba that time I helped a crazy person drug your daughter? My blunder! Can I be BFFS with yo husband again, plz?” What is Vanya getting paid for?!
9. Father knows best
Dan: I need your advice, but I gotta keep the details vague.
Rufus: Please. The vaguer, the better. It keeps parenting a challenge.
Truly spoken like the father of Jenny Humphrey. Rufus is clearly missing having his daughter around to give him more interesting storylines. 5 points for making Dan realize what all of us have been seeing for the past five episodes: He’s in reluctant like with Blair Waldorf.
P.S.: Dan is a writer. He should know to say “have got to” instead of “gotta.” It looks so much prettier in print, no?
8. Exchange of the night
Blair: We should go over field trip procedures again.
Dan: Oh, joy.
Blair: I arrive first, survey the location, in case there’s anyone I know, and scout out an exit strategy. You arrive at least 15 minutes later. Plausible deniability. We just ran into each other.
Dan: You’re really big on plausible deniability. Has anybody ever told you that?
Our favorite part of this exchange? Dan doesn’t even bat an eye at Blair’s cuckoo-for-Cocoa Puffs planning. He doesn’t get annoyed, he doesn’t find it charming — he’s just OK with it. This is what we call an adult relationship, kids — dealing with the other person’s craziness by reading New York magazine.
7. So astute, Raina!
Raina: You’re smarter than you look, Archibald.
Nate: I get that a lot.
We betcha do, Nathaniel!
We are loving these two together. We mean, they have so much in common. They like sports! They like video games! They like bars! They both have sh*tty fathers! OK, so not that much in common, but we do really like them together. They work well off each other, more so than Raina and Chuck, no? Still, they do not compare to the greatness that is Date (Dan and Nate). #dateneedstodate!
6. It’s been real, it’s been good, but it ain’t been real good, Ben
We kind of wish this storyline had more pay-off, you know? We really liked Serena and Ben’s chemistry in the flashback, which is weird and gross because it was illegal; Their chemistry just felt off in the past five episodes. We guess three years in prison, sex offender status and parental pressure can do that to a young couple.
We like that Ben admitted part of the reason he was with Serena now was because it helped him remember who he was back then. You just got played, S! But seriously, here’s a quick rundown: Ben’s mom (with mucho inappropriate Mom hair) came to visit and he didn’t want to tell her they were dating. S forced him to. Turns our Ben’s mom is working with Russell and stole the forged affidavit and gave it to him because Serena was too stupid to get rid of it.
She obviously thinks Ben stole it and he’s mad because she thinks he did it. Vanessa tells Serena that Ben had Nate’s dad beaten up in prison ’cause he’s a G lyk dat… or something. He admits to it. They break up. Lily clears his name. We presume Ben leaves the city and we’re guessing Dan helped him pack his bags. That loft is so tiny they have to hang their coats in the hallway. At the very least, Dan won’t have to worry about finding the cups on the shelf where the plates should be anymore.
We really hope Serena can move forward… it’s just SO unusual for her to get serious with a guy only for them to break up. Prayer circle for Serena’s mental well-being at the Zap2it offices next Monday, y’all. Wear your shirt with the lowest neckline to show your support.
5. A secret it took us a while to remember was revealed
Remember that time Dan was posing as an undercover reporter and found out Bart Bass (Chuck’s not-so-dearly departed father) actually torched one of his own buildings, “accidentally” killing someone in the process? Well, it turns out Russell’s wife (and Raina’s mother) was in the building and Bart knew it. “I think you know your father well enough to believe that he was capable of deliberately taking a life,” Russell says to a heartbroken Chuck, who feels like he never knew his father at all.
We love that Chuck’s first instinct is to go to Blair, the person that has been his emotional crutch more times than we can count. Chuck seems to need tragedy to occur in his life in order to make him realize that he needs Blair. It’s so realistic and sad.
We just hope he is en route to her house to seek friendship, not romance. And we kind of hope Blair doesn’t allow herself to be used as his crutch… again. It’s not healthy that every single time something goes wrong in his life, Chuck needs Blair to keep him from completely falling apart. He has to learn how to do that for himself. Then maybe, just maybe, he can be redeemed. Or at least on the road to redemption ’cause right now, we don’t think he’s earned it. Woe is Chuck Bass.
4. Exchange o’ the night No. 2
Blair: “That way everyone will assume that some earth-shattering huge scandal is imminent, like…”
Dan: “You getting traded for a hotel.”
Blair: “Or you raising Georgina’s baby by a Russian mobster.”
We love how self-absorbed these two are, thinking their friendship would change the UES forever. Bonus points for Blair later saying: “Oh, and only I get to joke about the hotel. Still too soon.”
3. Dorota FTW!
This is the Dorota we love: A thoroughly entertaining plot device rather than a character that becomes a waste of perfectly good storyline space (gold star for whoever figures out that reference). Remember her wedding? We try not to. Or her giving birth? We’re still suffering from PTSD.
Her suspicions about Blair’s good mood, her sixth sense, her hacking into Blair’s Netflix queue, her delivery of “You and Lonely Boy are having affair!”, her almost dropping from shopping… Dorota was on fire in tonight’s episode. Definitely one of her best “GG” outings ever, no?
2. Season 1 longing
Lily: “Do you have kids? And does he smile when he looks at you? Well, my kids haven’t smiled at me in a long time. And tonight, when I told my daughter I was coming down here, she said she was proud of me… and she smiled.”
Lily’s little speech to the D.A. had us missing the good ol’ days (‘Sup 2007? How’s it hanging?) when the parents on this show dealt with semi-realistic problems, like how to relate to their teenage daughter who is growing up too fast or fearing that your depressed son will hurt himself again. Now it’s all forged affidavits and ex-husbands giving you fake cancer.
Did you love Lily tonight? ‘Cause we loved Lily tonight. When she told Chuck that he was Bart’s legacy, not Bass Industries, we may have gotten a little misty-eyed. Three cheers for Lily manning up and accepting the consequences of her actions. It’s almost like she’s a real adult!
Note: Wasn’t William Baldwin’s return as Papa Van Der Woodsen anticlimactic? Here’s hoping he stirs up some drama when the show returns in April — maybe a catfight with Rufus? We’d put ten down on Rufus. He’s from the tough streets of Brooklyn, he’s scrappy. Plus, he used to wear a leather choker like Ryan Atwood and Ryan Atwood knew how to fight. We’re just sayin’.
1. They did it… they dared to Dair
So let’s finally discuss what everyone is talking about: The Kiss. We have a general tendency to not “ship” any couples on TV, but those crazy kids Dan and Blair seemed to have slipped through our top-notch security system. Granted, it’s made of Diet Coke cans and trays from Whole Foods, but still.
What girl doesn’t dream about a cute boy showing up at her house late at night (after seeing her all throughout the day) because he couldn’t get her off his mind? “I’ve been walking around the city all night with one all-consuming paralyzing thought,” Dan says. “What if my dad and Dorota were right and what if there’s another reason we’re keeping us a secret?”
When she tells him he needs to go back to Brooklyn, he says he can’t until he knows for sure that they were wrong. “Just one kiss and then we can know without a doubt.” Can you imagine Season 1 Blair’s response to this? It would probably involve any or all of the following: Lysol wipes, a lobotomy, a tetanus shot, a vomit bag.
Season 4 Blair’s response? “I suppose that would work. One kiss. That’s that.” This is a girl who wants to be kissed, folks. If it wasn’t obvious before, her nervous cough and half-smile totally gives it away. Dan prolongs the inevitable… probably taking mental notes for his next short story. He is a writer after all. It’s what we do. We live for these moments.
He knows this is the moment. She knows this is the moment. WE know this is the moment. Our neighbors know this is the moment because they can hear us chanting, “Just kiss already!” (Soundtrack moment: The Duke Spirit’s “Don’t Wait.” Perfect song choice.)
Blair clearly heard us loud and clear because with a sigh she says, “Oh, for crying out loud Humphrey!”, grabs him by his lapels and kisses him and then…. freeze frame! YES, THEY FREEZE FRAMED US. NOT NOW, DANA! Sorry, wrong CW show. Well played, Show. You sly little minx.
We’re dying to know what Blair and Dan were thinking before and during the kiss. Were they hoping to feel something or praying not to because it would be easier? We kind of love that throughout the six-episode (although some have been rooting for this pairing since the series’ fourth episode) build-up, it wasn’t a case of one person pining for the other; They both were genuinely surprised by the idea of there being something more between them.
OK, so quick rundown of how D & B are similar to Pacey and Joey (because this recap is
getting obnoxiously long). They started off hating each other. She already had a soul mate (Dawson/Chuck). There was a best friend in the equation who would be hurt by them getting together (Dawson… again/Serena). They were late-bloomers, Pacey and Joey began in Season 3 and Dan and Blair in Season 4. There was a slow build-up, where the two first became friends. The chemistry between the two actors was insane. There was an episode ending kiss. We could go on, but we’ll stop there because while we know the outcome of Pacey and Joey’s kiss, we won’t know the outcome of Dan and Blair’s for another six weeks. BECAUSE THEY FREEZE FRAMED US.
What did you think of “Empire of the Son,” Zappers? Will Dan and Blair feel a spark or nothing? Are you going to miss Ben? Will Lily go to jail? Will Vanessa ever become relevant? Where are the show’s real stars, The Waffles, hiding?