To borrow one of Blair’s lines from “Gossip Girl’s” Feb. 21 episode, “While You Weren’t Sleeping,” we think someone Freaky Friday’d us.
Nate and Rufus both had a purpose! That didn’t involve holding a tray or asking questions to move a storyline forward! This is some serious progress, you guys. Maybe next week Nate will become a real boy while Rufus will continue his season-long audition for “Real Househusbands of The Upper East Side.” Sadly, he didn’t flip a table this episode, but he did stage a fake-fight, an integral ingredient for reality television.
We also learned Blair’s new batch of minions are basically the worst minions ever. Where is Nelly Yuki when you need her?! And we are officially requesting Gossip Girl hire someone else to write her one-liners as they are just getting laughably bad. Where do we send the form?
Let’s get into it Upper East Siders, here are our ten favorite quotes and moments from “While You Weren’t Sleeping”:
No. 10: Gossip Girl Word Count time!
Leave it to this show to render our newly-founded game useless the episode after we create it. They gave our two prime targets, Rufus and Nate, lots o’ words to speaketh. Sad face.
No. 9: Eric’s party decor
There was a wall full of pi�atas! And giant lollipops! Clearly, our parents didn’t love us enough when we were children because all we had were bowling parties. Birthday fail.
Random, but who were all of these people at Eric’s party? He has admitted himself that he has no friends so was Lily’s birthday gift hiring all of these people to attend? It’s also sad that an episode centered on Eric’s 18th birthday party barely focused on him. We sincerely hoped he wished for a hot boy who won’t blackmail him to tend to his cocaine-tulips while blowing out his candles. What. Up. Damien.
No. 8: Lily, WASP extraordinaire
The way she sipped from her wine glass while complaining about her marriage to Russell (all an act, of course) had us cackling and her reaction to Eric and Serena opening his gifts during the party (“Do you realize how gauche it is to open gifts at a party? Before desserts?”) was one of our favorites of the night.
Side-note: Serena made sure to write down all of the gifts even though time was of the very essence. Truly her mother’s daughter.
No. 7: Chuck one-ups Russell
How great was it seeing Chuck best Russell at his own manipulative game? The fake fight with Lily was played to perfection (We didn’t even realize it was fake at first. +5 points for the extremely believable fake slap, Lils!) and Lily’s flirtation with Russell was spot-on. The best was Chuck hitting Russell where it hurts: The money. We think Chuck may have won this battle, but we’re sure the war is far from over.
No. 6: Serena and Ben’s mutual lack of understanding
Serena wants Ben to help her protect her mother — the person who sent him to prison for three years for a crime he didn’t commit. Ben wants Serena to stand around and do nothing while someone is threatening to send her mother to jail.
Clearly, this relationship is built to last.
No. 5: Mumbling exchange
Blair: “I wanted to tell you that… you were right… about that thing.”
Dan: “Now which thing was that?”
Blair: “I, Blair Waldorf, need Dan Humphrey’s help.”
Dan: “As a friend and peer, not an underling.”
Dan: mockingly repeats/mumbles what she just said
No. 4: Raina and Nate’s play-date
We found this completely adorable and necessary as Nate really needed 1. a friend 2. a love interest 3. a storyline.
Chuck was pretty stupid to ask Nate to distract Raina. We mean, look at him. The boy is gorgeous and uncomplicated. Also, Chuck should know better. Nate has hooked up with Jenny Humphrey; He knows no limits or shame when it comes to girls.
Nate and Raina getting high and playing some sort of Dance Dance Revolution together was oddly cute. It was nice to see her more relaxed and having fun and to see Nate… actually doing something. Besides playing Black Ops, of course. He clearly misses Dan. What happened to bros before hos? Blair happened, that’s what. Anyway, Raina spoon-feeding Nate her ice cream concoction and him exclaiming “We need to go to Ben & Jerry!”? Awesome.
We love how the writers have transformed Nate from an angsty teen who is occasionally resentful of his upbringing to a young man who is kind of goofy and OK with it. He sniffed his sweater after Chuck made a comment about it. He sniffed it!
No. 3: The uselessness that is Vanessa Abrams
Ugh. Yawn. Boo.
This pretty much sums up our thoughts on V’s
triumphant return. How dare she show up at the Van Der Woodsen’s place after the role she played in Serena’s drugging?! Also, who cares if she saw Ben threaten Damien? It would be one thing if he kept for the money for himself, but he didn’t. He went to Lily — we repeat, the woman who wrongfully sent him to jail — and handed it to her when she hasn’t even apologized for ruining his life.
“GG”, stop trying to make Vanessa Abrams happen. She’s not going to happen. Can we Marissa Cooper her off the show already please? Mean, but necessary.
No. 2: Line of the night?
Blair: “New Minion…”
New Minion: “Emily.”
Dorota: “She has no time to care.”
No. 1: A friendship grows in Brooklyn
The writers are just teasing Dan and Blair fans at this point, right? Last week, you have them watch a movie together over the phone and now this week you have them pig out on pizza and fall asleep watching a movie? It’s almost too much for our little Dair-loving hearts to bear.
The movie they watched? “The Philadelphia Story,” which actually is pretty symbolic of their quasi-friendship. The plot of the 1940 classic film? A socialite’s (Katharine Hepburn) wedding plans are complicated by the arrival of her ex-husband and an attractive and judgmental journalist. The socialite, Tracy, ends up torn between her fianc�e, her ex-husband and the reporter.
We completely see the parallel between Tracy and the reporter, Mike, and Dan and Blair. The scene they showed Dan and Blair watching was between Mike and Tracy after he calls her out for being privileged and a snob. She says, “You’re the worst kind there is. An intellectual snob. You made up your mind awfully young, it seems to me.” Sound familiar? It should because it’s the reason Dan and Blair are constantly at odds: class difference.
In case you were wondering who Tracy ends up with in the end — spoiler alert! — it’s not Mike, but her ex-husband, an imperfect alcoholic. Doesn’t that also sound familiar?
And now we’re reading entirely too much into a CW show. What did you think of this “Gossip Girl” outing?