Seanrogerson_harpersisland_240 How does everybody feel about "Harper's Island" being moved to Saturdays? I'm not inherently bummed about the move, but I am bummed that it isn't doing better in the ratings. They just need to make damn sure they air all 13 episodes because I've seen the first 9 and if I don't get to find out how it ends… there will be trouble. I also think the show is a great concept with only so-so execution (though it does get better in later episodes).

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (summary)

The Bachelor Party finds Hunter's Spaghetti-O'd body on the boat (but can't ID him) and talk about calling Harbor Patrol. Malcolm the Greedy Pig spies Uncle Marty's money and sinks the boat by blowing a hole in it. They finally decide to burying the money in the woods until the wedding is over. However, Malcolm can't contain himself (he's in debt up to his eyeballs from starting his own beer company that Mr. Wellington won't invest in) and tries to steal the money from Booth, who drew the short straw and has to bury it. That confrontation… does not go well.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (key players)
While making a scrapbook for Trish & Henry, Abby finds out someone has checked out all the John Wakefield articles from the local paper. Madison is back on my Creepy Radar, as she is obsessed with the Bachelorette Entertainment Psychic's Tarot Cards and talking to spirits. She also may have smashed Trish's mom's china tea set. Trish finds out about Richard and Katherine when she spies them getting all freaky in the cellar but then Richard "saves" Trish from the automatic pool cover. Hmmm.

Bang, Bang You're Dead (who died)
Sadly, another week where only one person dies: groomsman Joel Booth.

Bang the Drum Slowly  (how they died)
Booth shot himself in the leg and bled out in the woods. L-A-M-E.

Tick, Tick, Bang (gruesome scale)
-1 out of 10. Weak sauce.

Bang and Blame (hope you die next)
I still hate Sully and now I dislike Malcolm because he's a big, fat word-that-I-can't-print-here-but-looks-like-it-should-rhyme-with-fussy whose friend died in the woods (not his fault) and then buried him and then lied about it (his fault). Shane, fortunately, did not make an appearance.

Crash! Boom! Bang (favorite lines)
Joel: Which begs the question… did you find…
Sully: Her name is Stacy.
Joel: Sweet. Stripper.
Sully: Don't get too excited. She's a local girl, we'll be lucky if she has more teeth than fingers.

Joel: You know how long I'd last in jail?
Danny: You'd be fine… as a bottom.
Joel: What? Bottom? Is that bad?
Malcolm: A little bit.
Sully: Kinda depends…
Malcolm: On what you like.

Bang on the Drum All Day (best scare)

The shot of Hunter's only-teeth-remaining head was nice and gross. Trish almost getting trapped under the automatic pool cover was also decently tense; I was about to give the show mad props for killing one of the 3 main characters, so it was kind of disappointing when she survived. Still decently creepy because what a horrible way to die [shudder].

The Big Bang Theory (lead suspects)
Jimmy as the Good Guy Hiding Psychotic Anger might be a good bet, plus now that Abby's getting involved with him again that'd be a nice twist. Also, Thomas Wellington still creeps me out.

She Bangs (weekly death roster)
Cousin Ben: this was no boating accident
Uncle Marty: bridge to tear-in-halfia
Reverend Fain: someone should've given him a heads up
Kelly Seaver: you hang in there, buddy
Lucy Daramour: what a little firecracker!

Hunter Jennings: he lost the face-off
Joel Booth: he's got a leg up

As far as the complaints about why nobody notices the missing people, I think that's pretty easy (other than Lucy). They just assumed Cousin Ben was a no-show, Uncle Marty "sent" a text, the Reverend lives all by himself out at the church and they have no need to go there until the rehearsal, Kelly's "suicide" is common knowledge, and Hunter is supposed to have gone home. If there had just been a line where somebody expressed SOME passing interest in Lucy's whereabouts, I'd be fine with it.

Harper's Island Death Gallery: how they died and who is still on our suspect list.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."