Back that Ass Up (summary)
Cal, Chloe, Henry and Abby take the Sheriff and JD's body to the morgue/doctor's office. Sully and Beth come back to the hotel and Shea is understandably less than nice to them for trying to leave. Abby tries to read Wakefield's journal but it's burnt. Jimmy tells her that some pages fell out of JD's pocket but he gave them to Henry. Abby gets a hold of the pages, Wakefield wrote "Sarah had my child."

When Beth goes missing, Henry, Abby, Jimmy, Sully and Danny explore the tunnels under the hotel. Danny and Sully find Beth's body while Abby finds Madison in a creepy little room. Meanwhile, Shea goes off to talk to the psychic from the bachelorette party and Trish follows her. They manage to see Madison's waving hand through a manhole cover and rescue her and Abby from the tunnels.

SexyBack (key players tonight)
Shane is in rare form tonight. First he sets up a decoy outside the hotel in the form of his truck blasting music and uses it to get the drop on Sully and Danny, forcing his way into the safety of the hotel (because he's a giant douche). In a nice twist, Henry then gets the drop on Shane. Snerk. Shane does take the opportunity to tell everyone that Abby is Wakefield's daughter (because he's a giant douche). He then causes a big scene, makes Abby cry and locks her out of the hotel (repeat after me: because he's a giant douche). However, Henry puts a righteous beat-down on Shane that he's had coming for, oh, 8.5 episodes now and it's awesome.

Baby Got Back (who died)
Barely-a-character Beth and Cheating Katherine Wellington.

Hollaback Girl (how they died)
It's unclear exactly what happened to Beth, but she is very creepily left in a tunnel underneath the hotel. Katherine is stabbed in the back with a pair of pruning shears.

I Want You Back (gruesome scale)

Nothing really gruesome tonight, just some blood on the floor. 3 out of 10.

Love Will Lead You Back (I hope you die next)
Sully and Shane have yet to redeem themselves in my eyes and I really like everybody left on the show, so I still hope it's those two. When Beth comes up missing, at least Sully isn't a little bitch about

looking for her, but it's interesting that he cares about the pretty girl

and not the girl too young for him to have sex with. Unfortunately, with four episodes to go I have a feeling I'm going to lose at least two characters I like.

Paperback Writer (favorite lines)
Danny: How many hours til sunrise?
Katherine: Too many.

Trish: Shane, put down the gun.
Shane: No. You didn't say the magic word.
[gun cocking sound]
Henry: Please.

[I've been waiting all series for this little gem]
Abby: We should split up.

Madison: Did you like the game? The game, he said you'd like it. The man who took me?
Abby: What man, Madison?
Madison: Your dad, Abby. You know, the sheriff?

Lookin' Out My Back Door (best scare)
The entire looking-for-Beth plot is uber-creepy, from the blood trail to the tunnels. When both Abby and Danny started shimmying down the really small tunnels, I was on the edge of my seat and then when she gets grabbed trying to escape, I jumped like a foot (even upon second viewing). Finally, Madison asking Abby if she likes the "game" is creepy too.

If I Could Turn Back Time (lead suspects)

We're finally at the end of the episodes I've seen previously, so next week is very exciting for me. It also means I can expound my full theories. I've got a theory that it's a demon. A dancing demon! No, something isn't right there…

No seriously, my theory is that Wakefield is alive and working in tandem with his son to exact revenge on Sheriff Mills and Abby. I think his son is Jimmy, but it could also be Shane, Henry, Cal, or Sully (I have no reason to think they are, but they're the right age). I've already said that I think Jimmy's shout to Wakefield on the day Abby's mom died was way too ambiguous and I also think Jimmy and Abby being half-siblings would be excellently dark and twisted.

As for other theories, I think Beth biting it while Cal and Chloe were having nookie time at the morgue pretty much clears them from working together. One of them could be worknig with someone else, but I don't think they're a modern-day Bonnie and Clyde.

That being said, I think there is a lot of false logic in the so-and-so is cleared because he/she was here when so-and-so was killed. I think the show has been deliberately vague with showing exact times and places of people during the deaths.

Also, while I like my theory, I would like to point out that A) Henry had some wounds on his arms after JD's death and B) Sheriff Mills conveniently disappeared from the morgue for an undisclosed amount of time and at the end, Madison said the man who took her was Sheriff Mills. However, we all know Madison can be quite the little liar when someone tells her to be (her father's alibi) and I think it's way too obvious. I think that's what Wakefield told Madison to say.

Back on the Chain Gang (weekly death roster)

Cousin Ben: this was no boating accident
Uncle Marty: bridge to tear-in-halfia
Reverend Fain: someone should've given him a heads up
Kelly Seaver: you hang in there, buddy
Lucy Daramour: what a little firecracker!
Hunter Jennings: he lost the face-off
Joel Booth: he's got a leg up
Thomas Wellington: what a splitting headache
Richard Allen: you give love a bad name

Malcolm Ross: that money is burning a hole in his pocket
Deputy: nice red shirt you have on
Radio: on the fritz
Cole Harkin: I suspect Geena Davis
JD Dunn: if you hang up on me, I'll gut you like a fish
Beth Barrington: tunnel vision
Katherine Wellington: does the gardener have an alibi?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."