on Earth. Well, after lottery winners. And people recently released from prison
— although parolees have a better grasp on the future than either of the other
two. Regardless, there’s a certain joy that comes from watching love and
unbridled optimism in the face of overwhelmingly negative odds. And that’s just
what you get with Here Come the Newlyweds Mondays on ABC. So if you’re a fan
of couples who have no idea what they’ve gotten themselves into (or you’re a
licensed divorce attorney), call your married friends — we’re partying like
Setting the scene:
Once you’ve walked down the aisle, marriage
tends to look a lot like any other day of the week, so let’s focus on
re-creating that magical day when you and your parents spent $50,000 on cake
and clothing you’ll never wear again. You’ll need a makeshift altar with all the trimmings (perhaps an arbor or a trellis
replete with fake flowers and ivy), along with someone to pose as a minister
ready to bond two people in holy matrimony. Next to the preacher, have your
big-screen TV set up to watch the show. Set up some white plastic chairs with
ribbons of tulle tied to them for those who are willing to witness the mayhem.
During breaks in the action (aka commercials), have contests at the ready to
test the knowledge of the couples in the crowd. In fact, there’s a Newlywed
Game board game with more than 600 questions that you can use and then give away as a party
favor to the smartest couple!
Wedding-appropriate, of course. Guys should
wear nice suits or tuxedo T-shirts, while the ladies
can go with summer dresses and ridiculous wrist corsages. If all else fails,
wear a catering outfit and carry a tray.
On the menu:
The menu is one of the toughest parts of
planning a wedding: He wants ribs; she wants braised tofu. So let’s skip the
entrees altogether and serve shrimp cocktail as an appetizer and wedding cake
for dessert! Don’t forget the bride and groom characters on top.
On the hi-fi:
Love and Marriage by Frank Sinatra, If
You Wanna Be Happy by Jimmy Soul, Band of Gold by Freda Payne, This Diamond
Ring by Gary Lewis & the Playboys, A Church, a Courtroom, and Then
Goodbye by Patsy Cline.
You can get round-trip airfare to Las Vegas from anywhere in the nation for less that $300. So we suggest
that you pony up that money — plus a little extra for a hotel — and take a
secret vote to decide which single couple should hop on a flight and get
hitched immediately at the Little White Chapel.