It’s a party at the Landmark Preservation Council, as the whole gang gathers to watch Marshall (on Zoey’s side) and Ted (ostensibly on GNB’s side) publicly fight over whether or not The Arcadian — that decrepit, cockamouse-infested death trap — should be granted landmark status. But Ted has a brilliant plan! He will surprise everyone by getting on-stage and declaring that The Arcadian — which is disgusting — should be a landmark, not because it actually should be, but because he wants to impress Zoey. Luckily, Robin breaks the news to him that he and Zoey are inevitably going to break up, so maybe he shouldn’t go around making ill-advised grand gestures for her. Lily backs her up, and Ted goes forward with condemning the hotel to the LPC… only to be flanked by a surprisingly crafty Zoey, who jumps on stage with a tape recorder to blast Ted’s “GNB is nothing but wieners and gonads” rant from earlier in the season. So, at least we got to revisit that little gem one last time.
Never ones to side with a man who jokes around about gonads, the LPC sides with Zoey, and it’s left to Lily to come up with a diabolical plan to get that damned pile of bricks demolished but good. The plan: First, the gang buys a court-themed bar, where all the bartenders dress in sexy robes (Marshall: “I’ll allow it!”), and second: under the cover of darkness, scale the building and remove the architectural lion’s head from its facade with fricking laser beams, leaving it as just another dumb, bedbug-infested old building in upper Manhattan. Incredibly, this works, and the LPC votes to tear the bugger down, causing Ted and Zoey to finally break up. But Ted’s romantic loss is Barney’s decorative gain, as that giant stone lion’s head covered in cockamouse cooties ends up mounted above Barney’s dirty, dirty bed. Fitting, and tasteful, if you ask me.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that while Ted was wrestling with whether or not to condemn The Arcadian (and due to some superfluous Arthur Hobbs storyline that existed solely to give Barney something to do in this Ted-heavy episode), Barney came to Ted in a dream, dressed as the hotel’s architect to make Barney-esque jokes such as “Mo’ buildings, mo’ problems” while wearing fake muttonchops. And how do we know this was really a dream and not just Barney antics? Ted’s mother showed up at the end in lingerie to talk about her lady bits. Oh, Mama Petrelli, why?