Joshradnor_howimetyourmother_s3_240 Tonight on How I Met Your Mother we started a whole new story — the story of how Ted met the woman who helped him get over Stella. And here I thought this was the story of how Ted met his kids’ mother. This Vicky girl from tonight was clearly not that person.

What struck me as hugely odd was that Vicky said "yes" when Ted asked her out. You see, in asking her out, Ted told Vicky that he had just been left at altar a month earlier. To me that says "damaged goods," apparently to Vicky that said "hello!"

Meanwhile, Robin slept with Mitch. Who was Mitch? Doesn’t matter, Robin only slept with him because he was naked. That was Mitch’s move — The Naked Man. Prior to Robin, Mitch had used The Naked Man successfully two out of three times. Those are hall of fame numbers people, hall of fame.

It also made Marshall’s statement about Robin quite accurate. He called her a "slut." That may sound harsh, but as Marshall pointed out, the only thing standing between Robin and sex is clothes, and that’s not a bad definition of slut. Even Mitch pointed out on their next date that Robin was a slut and only slept with him because he was naked.

But, back to the important stuff — The Naked Man. Now, as Mitch explained, The Naked Man should only really be used when things aren’t going well, i.e., the first date is going badly enough that you’re quite sure that there will be no second date. Makes complete sense to me, that’s why he had tried it with Robin (she way outclassed him), and it made sense to Barney, who never wants to see a woman the second time anyway.

Barney pushed for Ted to use it on his date with Vicky that night, and he himself set out to use it on his yet-to-be-determined random girl of the evening. Ted, being a good guy and decent human being, was against it. Thank goodness. If Ted had jumped all over the idea I would have thought that maybe Stella had destroyed him for life. Ted wanted things to work with Vicky and knew The Naked Man wasn’t the way to make that happen.

As it happened, Ted’s date with Vicky didn’t go so well. It turned out that you can’t judge a person solely from a few random encounters in the elevator. Although, now that I think of it, maybe Vicky’s not passing on Ted as soon as talked about being jilted at the altar spoke in a negative way about her, not a positive one. She certainly turned out to be a wretched individual, doing everything from yelling at a waiter to making fun of old people on her date with Ted.

With no chance for a second date existing, Ted opted to pull a Mitch. Ted did The Naked Man and it worked. Awesome.

Lily even ended up doing The Naked Man, okay, naked woman. Marshall was all upset with her because he believed that the only reason to have sex was to be in love, but Lily was determined to come up with 50 reasons to have sex (my favorites — your condoms are about to expire and "this is getting hard"). Lily wanted to distract her hubby, to change the topic (another of the 50 reasons), and, as I think we all know, nothing changes the topic quicker with a man than a naked woman offering herself up (only if it’s one’s wife, of course).

So, with two successes, to achieve Mitch’s batting average prior to Robin, Barney was doomed to failure, and fail he did. He found some random blonde chick and tried to do The Naked Man only to get booted out of her apartment… naked.

Caring deeply about this, I’ve analyzed exactly why Barney failed, and I think I’ve come up with a reason. Barney went into the night with the explicit purpose of doing The Naked Man. The Naked Man should only be done as a last resort, it’s a way to get something out of a date that would otherwise go nowhere. Barney’s dates never go nowhere, they always lead to sex, consequently, he jumped the gun on The Naked Man. He used The Naked Man in vain, and The Naked Man should never be used in vain. The Naked Man has great power and needs to be treated with respect, Barney forgot that, and that, my friends, is why Barney failed to score with it.

A thought, a quote, and a question:

  • Barney on hearing that The Naked Man works — "all these years I’ve been suiting up when I should have been suiting down."
  • I didn’t mention it above, but how funny was the scene tonight with Barney and Ted trying out different Naked Man poses? I particularly liked the Captain Morgan.
  • And, our question of the week — does it bother you that old Ted was telling his kids this story? If I ever score with The Naked Man, I won’t be telling my children about it.

The TV and Film Guy’s Reviews – The Non-Naked Man.

Posted by:Josh Lasser