treatment: limousines, personal chefs, toilet paper. But the economic downturn
has forced a small group of “celebrities” — and we use that term loosely — to
huddle together in the jungles of Costa Rica in a desperate attempt to claim
food, supplies, luxury items and relevancy on I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of
Here! this week and next on NBC. So if you enjoyed Swiss Family Robinson but
thought the life lessons and family love were too much sentimental nonsense and
that it could have used a few more girl-on-girl screaming matches, call your
friends — we’re going native!
Setting the scene:
Nothing strikes fear into the hearts
of celebrities like not having
their personal assistants available to spray them with bug repellent while in
the tropics. Nevertheless, we need to re-create Costa Rica on a $500 budget.
That means purchasing about 10 palm trees, some mosquito netting and a pet tarantula named Janice. You need games of
skill to keep guests distracted whenever Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are
on-screen, so get your hands on some blow darts, a few
spears and some machetes, and have partygoers
test their skills at hitting targets and chopping bamboo. Don’t forget to check
your homeowner’s insurance policy in case someone gets a dart in an unfortunate
location. Winners get prizes associated with our amazing cast: photos of Janice
Dickinson, DVDs of The Hills,
autographed memorabilia from John Salley, a framed
newspaper article on the indictment of former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.
Guests need to come dressed as their
favorite celebrities, whether it be Heidi and Spencer, Sanjaya, Blago or any
other questionably ranked celebrity (we’re going as the late Charles Nelson
Reilly and still like our chances).
On the menu:
Jungle fare is a great way to detoxify from
your KFC or Burger King habit. Go with bowls of fresh fruit from Costa Rica:
papayas, mangoes, pineapples, cantaloupe, coconuts, avocados and watermelon.
But just so the celebs don’t forget their roots, add a nice lobster bisque and a few bottles of
On the hi-fi:
The Bare Necessities by Phil Harris, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N’ Roses, The Lion Sleeps Tonight by the
Tokens, Jungle Love by the Steve Miller Band, Jungle Boogie by Kool &
the Gang, Shock the Monkey by Peter Gabriel, I Wanna Be Like You (The Monkey
Song) by Louis Prima.
While the celebs were likely lured to the
Costa Rican jungle under the impression they were going to enjoy some
“eco-tourism,” why not partake of the real thing and head to one of the most
biodiverse regions in the world?