justin bieber sued lawsuit selena gomez dad Justin Bieber sued by crazy man claiming to be Selena Gomez's dadIt’s only Tuesday and we feel confident in saying this is the craziest thing we will see all week.

TMZ has obtained
a lawsuit from a Michigan man who claims he is Selena Gomez‘s father and is suing Justin Bieber. Among the things the lawsuit alleges are:

  • Justin Bieber got his “daughter” Selena pregnant and owes him $426 for the subsequent abortion. The impregnating occurred in the man’s bedroom, on a Canadian bear rug. Sexay.
  • The man was sodomized with a firework by Usher Raymond while Raymond blared Kate Perry’s (sic) “Firework” song. That … is one way to interpret the song.
  • Bieber gave Selena an STD and then stole the man’s credit card to buy cocaine for himself and “Sean P-Ditty Combs” to use in a drug-free school zone. Whatever that means. Also, we were unaware drug dealers took credit cards.
  • The lawsuit concludes that America must boycott Justin Bieber’s music.

Amazing. And also — sometimes we are so glad we aren’t famous.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."