Well, we learned one thing from Lipstick Jungle tonight, didn’t we? When carrying on an affair with a subordinate, never, ever even hint at getting them fired because it will always come back to bite you. Although…doesn’t everyone sort of know this already? Unfortunately for Nico, it seems she missed that class in business school. And common sense school.

Please don’t fire me for loving spoilers.

Nico starts out the hour right where we left off with her character, daydreaming about her dalliances with oh-so-hot Kirby and trying in vain to get her husband to make a move on her. At the Prince William photo shoot that morning, she can’t control her desire any longer and she and Kirby have a slightly public indiscretion in front of a window. Office rival Mike sees them after the tryst and senses something is off, but does nothing for the time being. Later, when Kirby shows up at her office and starts blatantly flirting Nico lays down the law and insists he can’t approach her at work again. She follows up this very sensible decision by doing something decidedly not sensible and calling Kirby’s boss and hinting that he shouldn’t be involved in the next photo shoot with Bonfire. Of course, the photographer assumes she wants Kirby fired and does just that. Nico promises a distraught Kirby she will find him a new position and seems to have no sympathy for his plight, and when he shows up at her office as she requested she sends him away with a curt dismissal and a check to cover his rent. Nico is ice, ice, baby. So cold.

When office rival Matt sees Kirby ripping up the check in the lobby, he rushes to introduce himself. The episode ends with Nico’s boss Hector calling her into his office and saying that Kirby is accusing her of sexual harassment. Not to be all on the boy’s side, but I’m totally on the boy’s side here. Obviously Matt did something sneaky to make this happen but Nico was completely in the wrong. Kim Raver’s character has potential, but her naturally icy demeanor does not help to endear us to her when she does something so cruel.  Also, is it bad I am most upset because I thought Nico and Kirby were the only interesting storyline, and now it looks like they are done for good? I mean, Robert Buckley is very attractive. Please don’t take Robert Buckley away from me, show!

Meanwhile, Wendy is still reeling from her former nanny’s tell-all book and the evil publisher Janice Lasher who is out to get her by publishing it. To make matters worse, Janice had an article planted in (the equivalent of) Page Six about her evil tyrant mommy ways. All of this drama inconveniently coincides with a real-life tiff with daughter Maddie over Wendy’s refusal to get her a cell phone. It all blows up at a Women in Media luncheon where Wendy is the guest speaker and brings Maddie along, subconsciously doing it so she can show the world what a great mother she is. Maddie unfortunately picks up on this ulterior motive and loudly storms out of the luncheon during Wendy’s speech. Evil cartoon dragon lady Janice comes down on Wendy for not being able to control her daughter, and Wendy gets back at her by stenciling "bitch" on the back of Janice’s white coat with red lipstick. Snort. Nico turns out to be the savior of the day, though, when she gets the upper hand with Janice by hiring away her assistant and threatening Janice that she will have that assistant write a tell-all book of her own about all of Janice’s indiscretions. Indiscretions which include Singapore and ping pong balls. Um, ew. I’m really glad I wasn’t eating at that moment.

Also in Wendy’s world, she’s busy wooing a Lindsey Lohan-type teen who is looking to break away from her Disney image and wants to do a racy film Parador is producing called "Pink Poison." It turns out, though, that it isn’t so much the Lindsey that wants the movie as her stage mother, who I’ll call…the Dina. For no reason whatsoever. Dina is your typical nightmare, controlling everything her child eats and even trying to consult with Wendy about what size breast implants Lindsey should get. Gross. Wendy sensibly steers Lindsey in the direction of a more age-appropriate role their company is offering, much to the chagrin of Dina. Brooke Shields then gets a very nice (and very meta, if you know the story of Pretty Baby at all) speech about how you shouldn’t force young girls to do a racy part they aren’t totally comfortable with. Go Brooke!

Finally, we have Victory and Joe. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh, sorry. I nodded off for a minute there. Victory asks Joe to meet all of her friends for a dinner party, a prospect he’s less than thrilled about. He convinces her he will but only after she meets his friends first. In Paris. Apparently, they are going to fly to Paris, eat dinner, and fly back to New York in time for a dinner the next night with Nico and Wendy in New York. Man, Joe’s jet is fast. In Paris, Joe takes Victory to Coco Chanel’s old studio and they marvel over her old dress form. It seems, though, that Joe has no friends in Paris and only took her there to avoid having to do dinner with her friends. She sees through his ruse and forces them to be back in time. Despite a bit of a rocky start where weirdo Joe complains about the temperature (It’s four degrees too hot! Billionaires are quirky!) and asks how long they have to be there, things go very well. Afterward, however, Victory learns that Joe sees the dinner as sort of a one-time deal and rebukes Victory’s idea of seeing her friends on a regular basis. Victory refuses his make-up gift of Coco Chanel’s dress form and gives him an impassioned speech about how Nico and Wendy are her family and she can’t have him separate from them. He doesn’t seem to be caving to her point of view, so are they at an impasse? Do I care? Not particularly. I can’t believe Andrew McCarthy is so blah in this role! I suppose the magic of Pretty in Pink was lost, oh, about 20 years ago.

Man, I’m old.

What did you guys think? Was what Nico did to Kirby right? Is Janice out of the picture for good (oh God please)? And are any of you on the Victory/Joe ‘ship, or are you all as bored by them as I am?

Posted by:Carrie Raisler