There’s a kerfuffle going on right now over some new hats that President Obama wants for the United States Marine Corps — a sleeker, more “unisex” look, one that is modeled after World War I two-time Medal of Honor winner Dan Daly.
Yet some people are not happy about them.
One senior Marine source tells the New York Post, “We don’t even have enough funding to buy bullets, and the DoD is
pushing to spend $8 million on covers that look like women’s hats! The Marines deserve better. It
makes them look ridiculous.”
“I cannot even look at our so-called Commander in Chief. … He is always weakening our military preparedness and unit cohesion. First he gets rid of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. … Now this,” says Colbert. “Clearly the feminization of the Marine Corps. They’re cutting off the balls of Montezuma. It’s semper fi, not semper bi. … We’re going to have to assume the new hat is neon mesh and secured with a ball gag.”
Upon seeing the old hats and new hats side-by-side, Colbert says, “It’s so feminine, I’m ovulating just looking at them. Those hats might as well be made out of tampons and copies of “Eat Pray Love.’ Those two inches of extra brim is the difference between ‘Marine’ and ‘Maureen.'”
Colbert points out this is just a slippery slope to the Army rangers wearing berets, the Navy wearing little sailor suits and Georgia O’Keefe paintings taking the place of camouflage.
He ends by saying we should just make the hats out of “beef jerky and sharks’ teeth.”
Now that would be worth $8 million.