josie bissett 'Melrose Place': The premiere's the thingTonight on “Melrose Place,” all the action revolves around the premiere of “Kensington Squared” and the return of Josie Bissett as Jane Andrews, Sydney’s sister.

Jane, Ella & Violet
Jane Andrews is back as the new landlord and she blackmails Ella into getting one of her clients, Abby Douglas, to wear one of her dresses to a movie premiere. Apparently, Ella sent some threatening emails to Sydney and Jane has them. She’ll only keep them away from the police if Ella puts a Jane Andrews dress on Abby. In fact, she wants to be partners with Ella to dress Abby many times over.

Meanwhile, Violet is questioned by the police and bolts out the window, then shows
up at Jane’s store asking for help and playing the “you’re the only
family I have” card. Fortunately, Jane didn’t fall off the turnip truck
yesterday, so she calls the police on wide-eyed Violet, who ends up in jail.

Violet is questioned because a lanyard with her prints was found at the crime scene. Violet spills to them that she is Sydney’s daughter but says that Sydney was delighted and that getting to know her was the best week of her life. The police can smell what Violet is shoveling.

At the premiere, Abby freaks about Jane’s dress and demands to wear a different dress. Ella acquiesces and gets her something else to wear. Jane sneers, “I hope it was worth it.” When Ella tells David what happened, he says he’ll take Jane down for her. Ella is touched and/or turned on and they make with the smoochies.

EXCEPT… the next day Jane calls the police on Ella. DUN DUN DUN!

David & Auggie

David has a tail, courtesy of his father, and gets hired to waiter at the “Kensington Squared” premiere party because Auggie vouches for him. Of course, the tail shows up and David throws him across the room, landing Auggie in hot water with his boss.

After vowing to take down Jane for Ella, David confronts Jane with Michael Mancini’s files about her “store fire,” which was really for the insurance money. He tells her to stay away from Ella. However, Auggie’s shot at a promotion is shot after David’s little stunt. Bummer.

Jonah & Riley
They head to the “Kensington Squared” premiere because the writer was Jonah’s film school roommate. At the party, Riley chats up a big-time producer and then hands him off to Jonah because she has to go bail Violet out of jail.

When Jonah gets home he tells Riley that the big-time producer, Charlie Kitsis, was totally charmed by Riley and wants to see Jonah’s movie. Except Violet is showering in their apartment and Riley put up the bond for her release from jail, which Jonah is NOT happy about. Riley spins a tale of Violet being Sydney’s daughter, their “joyful” reunion and Violet finding her dead. Jonah is suspicious and when Violet overhears, she implies that her adopted parents were sexually abusive and that she ran from the police because she stole money from them so she could escape and find Sydney. Riley is taken in, Jonah is not. Because Jonah rocks and Riley sucks.

Toby’s back in town so Lauren goes to meet him, but when his flight gets delayed she finds another source of income named Victor. Except Victor screws her over and when she demands payment, he shoves her into a wall. Paging Dr. Lauren to the white courtesy phone. This is your wake up call.

As Lauren is trying to leave, hotel security hassles her and then Kimber from “Nip/Tuck” shows up to save the day!!!!  Please let Kelly Carlson be a recurring Madam on “Melrose Place.” Please.

Thoughts & Tidbits

  • Josie Bissett wasn’t as awesome as I was hoping, I hope she sticks around and gets more interesting
  • For the people who liked the line about relationships being complicated and cooking coming with instruction, I submit this winner:
    David: Which knife do you use to cut the tension in here?
    Auggie: I’d need a Ginsu for that.
Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."