Melissa_moretolove_290 Tonight on “More to Love,” Melissa gets made to feel special and beautiful… and is sent home to cry in her pillow. Also: Lauren the crazy witch is gone too!

We’re down to 8 girls tonight and we kick it off with a special task where the girls vote on who would be a good wife for Luke and who would be a bad wife for Luke. They are given disks that say good on one side and bad on the other. Awesome.

Kristian gets almost unanimous “bad wife” votes and she cries because everyone thinks she’s cray-cray. Heather gets all “good wife” votes… except from Lauren. Of course. Because Lauren is a huge bitch who will only say “good” for herself. Lauren says she’s a better wife already without being married. What does that even MEAN? She says these girls can’t even cook a pizza in the microwave, so how are they ready to take care of a man and children.

OKAY. First of all, LAUREN… cooking does not have to enter into the equation for a “Good Wife.” This isn’t 1953. Secondly, a PIZZA in the MICROWAVE? I think this might be a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Who the eff cooks a pizza in the microwave? Reheating, sure (though I find that that makes it soggy and I prefer to reheat using the broiler in my oven). But not cooking. Ooooh, Lauren is a spiteful witch.

Malissa splits the votes, Lauren gets mostly “bad wife.” They don’t show all girls’ votes. Melissa gets “bad wife” across the board except from Lauren. Weird. Melissa ends up being voted “worst wife” because she got the most “bad” votes. She cries about being rejected based on her personality and not her size. Ouch.

Heather got voted Best Wife and Melissa got voted Worst Wife, so they each get Solo Dates. The rest go on a group date. Lauren snots in a talking-head that Heather got voted Best Wife because she’s fun and then spit out this gem: “What the [f-word] does ‘fun’ have to do with being a wife?” Oh my god. My boyfriend turns to me and says, “I don’t think you’re treating this ‘wife’ thing like the job that it is.” Seriously, Lauren is UNHINGED.

Melissa’s Solo Date
I love her white sunglasses, just btw. Luke is apparently privy to the information that Melissa was voted “worst wife.” That sucks. They head to a Moroccan restaurant. Mmmmm. I love Moroccan, Persian and Ethiopian food so much. Melissa and Luke make small talk about confident women and he says that she’s on the shy side. He says that she’s a beautiful woman and she is. I mean, she’s a big girl no doubt, but her face is super-pretty.

Suddenly a bunch of gorgeous, skinny belly dancers come out to their table. Aw man, harsh. They make Luke and Melissa get up and dance and Melissa is totally shy and embarrassed. Oh, that poor girl. Luke, to his credit (and I don’t like him), is totally cool about it. He’s funny and hilarious and he doesn’t seem to be checking out the belly dancers, which is awesome. He talking-heads that Melissa is becoming a sexy, confident woman. My icy, black heart is slowly melting towards Luke. Maybe.

Heather’s Solo Date
Lauren is bitter, saying that Heather is her major competition because of all the time she’s spending with Luke. I wonder if Lauren has ever stopped to think that if she spent MORE time with Luke, she’d have gone home by now. Hmph.

Heather gets to pick out an evening gown and she picks out a gorgeous midnight blue dress with a beaded bodice. Seriously, she looks a dish. Luke takes her to a castle for dinner. What is that? Is that a movie set? Is it a real building? It looks fake. He says, “I can’t get over this view” and she says, “Yeah, it’s beautiful” and he says, “I was talking about you.” And she looks surprised and giggles. It’s cute. I mean, totally cheesy line but I’d be lying if I said a line like that didn’t work on me once upon a time. I may have been 19, but still. It made me all swoony.

Later on the date, Luke asks Heather about kids and then he tells her he actually has three kids. Heather almost swallow her tongue, until he says that he’s just messing with her. Hahaha. They then make-out and have some champagne.

Group Date
In the limo on the way to the date, the girls discuss who has been frenching Luke. Apparently everyone knows that Heather has been. Does anybody know about Christina from the Vegas date. Malissa then hints that she has been as well. Lauren talking-heads that “Malissa is a freak. I think she’s trying to get her way to Luke’s heart by affection.” Yeah, she should be concentrating on making those pizzas in the microwave.

The girls are taken to the St. Regis spa. They get to put on flurry white robes and meet Luke at the pool for lunch. The girls have on their swimming suits. Malissa looks super-cute in hers. She and Luke take the bubble bath that we’ve seen in several previews. Woo woo. They drink wine and make-out in the tub.

When Malissa gets back, the girls talk about her french-kissing him. What are we, in 7th grade? Ooooh, did you french him? Oh my gosh! Mandy cries in a talking-head about him making out with so many girls. Uh… have you SEEN these shows? She then gets to have a couples massage with Luke and afterwards totally sucks face with him. Huh. Guess it doesn’t bother you THAT much.

Lauren takes her alone time but gets interrupted by the other girls who have been goofing around with a mask. He jumps in the hot tub with a bunch of girls. Lauren is LIVID. Hahahaha.

Cocktail Party
Melissa is nervous because she’s the biggest girl left in the competition. Luke takes more alone time with Lauren, who confesses to being more competitive than anyone else. If by “competitive” she means “bat-crap crazy,” then yes, I agree.

Mandy gets more alone time and they dance and smooch. She says she hasn’t wanted to call anyone a boyfriend in a long time, but says she wants to call him a boyfriend. She says it’s hard to be patient, but she won’t give up. The plinky-plunky strains of acoustic true love play in the background.

Melissa takes alone time and talks about how she feels so loved and feels so much better around him. She says he’s the one guy who wants to get to know her for her, not judge her on her body. Wow.

Before the Ring Ceremony, Luke says, “I’m starting to see wife credentials in each one of these ladies.” What exactly are “wife credentials?” Microwave pizza?

Also, why haven’t we seen any of the Kristian crazypants behavior this episode? I’m so disappointed!

Ring Ceremony
Okay, just because we’ve seen her be all positive all episode… I’m going with Melissa the “Worst Wife” as an elimination. The other one? Gosh, I don’t know. Tali is super-pretty but he’s barely hung out with her, so maybe her?

Luke gives rings to Heather, Tali (whoops), Malissa, Mandy, Kristian (are they making him keep her around just for the crazypants behavior? Because he obviously is not attracted to her) and Anna! YES! Lauren is going home! Lauren is going home! WOO WOO!

Lauren says she doesn’t know why Luke picked her. It’s probably because you cook pizza in the microwave, you crazy gossipy drag queen.

Melissa cries that now she can’t bring home her first boyfriend to her parents. Aw man. That just tugs at my heartstrings. Seriously. Poor girl. You’ll find somebody
, you’re super-cute! Chin up, Melissa! You’re not a horrible woman like Lauren!

Who is your favorite out of the remaining girls?(online surveys)

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Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."