It came pretty close. It’s too bad that drugs and hardcore alcohol tend to slow down any results.
Nick and Jess and the Green Fairy
When Jess (Zooey Deschanel) invited Nick (Jake Johnson) and Angie (Olivia Munn) for a cabin weekend, it was never going to end well. The fact that Jess only wanted company to avoid intimacy with Sam (David Walton) made that very clear.
What made it worse?
- Rifles — Jess shot out the cabin’s transformer, plunging everyone into cold darkness.
- Absinthe — The Green Fairy is a fickle devil who brings suffering along with a drunken haze.
- Swinging — Someone should have told Angie that “going to a cabin” doesn’t mean “trading sexual partners.”
All of this resulted in some nasty hangovers and the end of the Nick-Angie relationship. Considering the number of hints at something between Nick and Jess in this one, “New Girl” could be heading down a new road soon.
Schmidt and Winston and Robert
Schmidt (Max Greenfield) decides that Winston (Lamorne Morris) is not getting to fully experience his cultural identity while living with three white roommates. And of course Schmidt must change this. Although Winston would much rather eat Indian food and frozen yogurt, he encourages Schmidt’s lunacy through a meal of ribs and a trip to the projects to score crack cocaine.
The ribs were good, but the crack caused problems. They boys do meet a nice man named Robert, but there is no crack. That’s OK. Winston really did want yogurt.
Funny things they said
“You’re dating a stripper. I’m dating a tall, handsome doctor. We’re both kind of living the dream.” — Jess
“You were so light and charming! You were like Pixar Winston!” — Schmidt
“White Nick. Brown CeCe. I’d like to have a frank discussion about race. Do you think that we’re allowing Winston to be his blackest self?” — Schmidt
“I’ve never played sexy Boggle before.” — Jess
“Where were these when we were having sex?” — Angie, finding rifles
“It’s not so much fun without someone firing back!” — Angie
“Absinthe has killed so many of our most famous painters.” — Jess
“Schmidt, I could really go for some crack.” — Winston
“Forget about frozen yogurt. I wanna go score some crack cocaine!” — Schmidt
“The absinthe has found a new host — the toilet.” — Jess
“Hey Nick, look! We switched!” — Angie, atop Sam
“I feel so much better after throwing up in the fire.” — Sam
“If you were a hat, you’d be a top hat!” — Nick to Sam
“I have tattoos of bands I don’t even like anymore! By the way, you’ve been really cool about the Jamiroquai tattoo on my butt.” — Angie
“You can eat salad in my backseat any time!” — Jess to Nick