Tonight on “One Tree Hill” we get to watch Haley’s smackdown of Renee the extortionist groupie over, and over, and over again. YouTube is a beautiful thing.
It’s the aftermath of the “slap heard ’round the world,” with Haley’s fisticuffs hitting the internet hard. Also hitting hard are the handcuffs around Haley’s wrists when the cops come to arrest her. (By the way, Haley’s mug shot is pretty crappy considering she looked totally cute not five minutes before.) While in jail she gets a visit from Renee the lying groupie, who informs her that she won’t be pressing charges because Haley isn’t the one she’s after. Um, so why did she confront her like that the night before and say horrible things?
This terrible writing Renee makes no sense. She tells Haley to look at Nathan’s old cell phone bills for her number — she’s telling the truth, and she and Nathan were both very drunk when they did the deed. Could Nathan possibly not remember the incident?
When they leave the jail, Nathan and Haley are barraged by a gaggle of reporters. Considering her lack of meaningful storylines, I sometimes forget Haley is a recognized personality in her own right. This must be a fun story for the press to report. I mean, “Mild Mannered Folk Singer Attacks NBA Husband’s Pregnant Mistress!” is a pretty eyecatching headline. Haley questions Nathan about what Renee said and he immediately gets defensive. I’m on Haley’s side here. And do you know how all of this could be resolved? A paternity test! For the love of Pete, why won’t he just take a paternity test! In the midst of all this hoopla, Dan calls Nathan and offers his help, but Nathan awesomely shuts him down cold.
Clay persuades Nathan to make an official statement to the press. Finally! A smart decision! Although Haley speaks at the conference and says she “believes her husband 100%,” that doesn’t stop her from searching Nathan’s old cell phone bills and finding Renee’s number. The show ends with Haley’s shocked face and Dan meeting with Renee to offer her a “proposition.” Interesting.
Meanwhile, in matters much less scandalous, Brooke is irrationally jealous of Julian’s plan to work with Alex. The Brooke the Jealous Girlfriend card has been played in every one of her relationships, and I’m sort of over it. I know it’s a character trait, but there is this thing called growth. Or is this a case of lack of imagination on the part of the writers? What bugs is that she automatically assumes Julian is going to do
something wrong. If I was Julian, that would really cheese me off. Anywho, Brooke has a right to be worried about Alex, who is a little tramp (albeit an entertaining tramp) and gets naked in front of Julian while they are trying to work. Julian tells Brooke what happened and Brooke immediately storms off to Alex’s room and lets her have it. Millie convinces Alex to apologize to Julian and force him to take her seriously, and they decide to try to work together again.
In her career life, Brooke wants to make a whole line revolving around “zero is not a size,” starring Millie as the model. When Millie talks to Mouth about this opportunity, he doesn’t even pause before telling her he doesn’t think she should do it because it “isn’t her.” God forbid someone wants to try something new. The only thing Mouth seems worried about is that Millie might change, and perhaps ultimately leave him behind. What Mouth doesn’t realize is the fastest way to get someone to leave you behind is to not support them in their endeavors. Millie ultimately accepts Brooke’s offer. Millie is totally Donna Martin! I love it.
Also in this episode: Mouth is demoted to tape logger; Mia and CHASE! are still together and CHASE! is taking pilot lessons. Did he always want to be a pilot? I can’t remember, possibly because CHASE! is boring. Hot, but boring.
- Dan’s “I don’t see any licorice whips”/”I forgive you” routine was pretty amusing. I would certainly be afraid of my boss if he was a murderer.
- Clay is officially the worst agent ever. Who turns off their phone when their client is in the middle of a sex scandal?
- Jamie’s Oreo/milk combo: best cereal ever?
- I loved Millie taking shots and Alex doing the lime chaser since she isn’t drinking.
- Quinn allowing David to believe she slept with Clay is just as bad as if she would have actually done it. All in all, I just don’t understand Quinn’s character. Anyone have any insight?
- “Does your phone ever stop ringing? Because I only have one thing that vibrates that much.” – Quinn, to Clay
- “You made a fortune capitalizing on the murder of your own brother. You save your help for people who don’t know you, and stay away from me and my family.” – Nathan, to Dan
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