Warning: Spoilers ahead for the first four episodes of “Orange Is The New Black” Season 2. Please stop reading now if you haven’t caught up to this point.
What’s going on
While every Litchfield inmate’s story is complex, unique, rich and touching in a variety of ways, Morello’s hits you straight in the gut. The twist the writers gave Morello was completely unpredictable and heartbreaking, shedding new light on the heretofore uncomplicated character.
“A Whole Other Hole” opens with Morello getting ready for what seems like just another typical day at Litchfield. She wakes up, applies her red lipstick flawlessly and gets in the van to drive Rosa to her chemotherapy appointment. But remember, this day is different: Morello has just received the news her fiance Christopher is now marrying someone else.
Flashbacks show pre-lockup Lorna coping with her chaotic, crowded home life by online shopping and committing mail fraud. She is desperate for an escape and lives in an almost teenage dream world waiting for her prince charming to sweep her off her feet and shower her with all the luxuries she craves.
It’s love at first sight when Lorna bumps into Christopher, her destiny, while she is drowning in packages from her mail scams at the post office. He seems equally smitten and when he sweetly asks her out for coffee — we assume this is just the beginning of their beautiful love story.
The song “Almost Paradise” comes on the radio while present day Morello is waiting in the van for Rosa’s treatment to be done. The song motivates the crazy romantic inside of her to use the three hours of time she has to kill to take a drive to Christopher’s house.
When she arrives at the house, the jig is up and a side of Morello we have never seen is revealed. She breaks into Christopher’s home and creeps around looking at the wedding planning evidence around the house. She finds Christopher’s new fiance Angela’s veil in the closet and puts it on and follows that up by wearing it in the bathtub.
Then just as we are getting the sense there is more to the story, we see a flashback of Morello in a courtroom, where Christopher is testifying against her. As it turns out, sweet little Morello is a true blue, crazy stalker. Christopher only went on one date with Lorna and after telling her he wasn’t interested, she went beyond crazy. He had to get a restraining order after she threatened and harassed him and Angela. Morello even put a homemade explosive device under Christopher’s car!
Back in present time, Morello barely makes it out of Christopher’s home unnoticed when he unexpectedly comes home during her blissfully crazy bath. Back at Litchfield, Morello still keeps up the wedding fantasy for her fellow inmates — sometimes it is easier to live with the charade.
The title of the episode is mostly a reference to the obsession the ladies of Litchfield have with the female anatomy. The only woman who seems to fully understand the way everything works down there is Sophia (she has designed one of her very own, after all).
Meanwhile, Nicky and Big Boo have a competition to see who can sleep with Soso first. Nicky wins, but it seems like she regrets it when her new prison wife can’t even get through movie night without talking incessantly.
Poussey and Taystee are having problems in their friendship. Poussey wants more, Taystee wants to keep things G-rated. To top it off, Vee warns her former protege about being “gay for the stay,” further isolating Taystee from her former bestie. Poussey sadly gets even more on Vee’s bad side when she refuses Vee’s proposal to start charging for her prison hooch.
Almost as soon as Red gets the bad news Piper will be her new roommate, her first in 12 years, she gets a beacon of hope. She finds a hole to the outside in an abandoned green house on the grounds and convinces Caputo to let her start exercising her green thumb. She and the other “golden girls” need a hobby.
On the outside, Larry and Polly are getting closer and closer. Random people on the street even think they are a couple, which Larry weirdly seems to love. This hookup is inevitable — there is too much chemistry and it is impossible for the two not to get together soon.
This episode is by far one of the standouts of Season 2, because just when we thought we couldn’t love Lorna more, her crazy was revealed and we loved every minute of it — although “Almost Paradise” may never sound the same.
Red: “I’m officially one of the golden girls.”
Soso: “You tried to sell me for a blanket!”
Piper: “What are you going to do; not feed me?”
Crazy Eyes: “It’s not about you. I just really like the beach.”
Morello: “I decided not to wear a veil, it’s too traditional.”
“Almost Paradise,” Ann Wilson and Mike Reno: Morello waits in the prison van at the hospital and end credits.