from Steve Martin’s King Tut bit. So when Egyptologist Kara Cooney started the
six-part series Out of Egypt, premiering Monday, Aug. 24, on Discovery
Channel, we were fascinated by her lack of dance skills and general disinterest
that he was “born in Arizona” or “got a condo made of stone-a.” Still there are
a lot of other fascinating facts Cooney serves up in an attempt to demystify
and “desensationalize” the legends of ancient Egypt. (Yep, every party needs a
pooper.) So call your friends; we’re heading Out of Egypt.
Setting the scene:
Sure, Egypt might seem like a giant bowl of
dust wedged precariously against Libya and Sudan, but the truth is … umm, yeah…
well, let’s focus on the positives — the stuff Kara wants us to ignore! We’re
going for an inner-chamber-of-a-pyramid look here, so you’ll need sand
(safesand.stores.yahoo.net) on the floor, walls made of huge blocks of
limestone — which you can simulate by painting sheets of Styrofoam
(www.lowes.com) tan — and then load up on the artifacts. Virtually everything
you need can be found at Museum Store Company (museumstorecompany.com), such as
canopic jars (perfect for pickles or internal organs of mummies), reliefs of
Anubis or Isis, busts of Nefertiti or Ramses II, statues of black cats,
scarabs, a sphinx and, of course, the funerary mask of King Tutankhamen (“he
gave his life for tourism”). For extra realism, get your hands on a fake
a few fake torches on the walls to add some
flavor. Invitations should be written in hieroglyphics.
Not everyone was Ramses or Cleopatra, but
robes and headdresses are oh, so stylish that we can’t
discourage them. A nice asp armband, leather sandals and Abba-quality blue eye
shadow should get Pharaoh’s attention — as will wrapping yourself head to toe
in medical gauze.
On the menu:
Lamb kebabs, koushari (lentils, macaroni,
rice and chickpeas), flatbread, figs and dates — any of which can be served out
of the aforementioned canopic jars or miniature sarcophagus. Beverage of choice:
beer (just one more reason to love Egyptians).
On the hi-fi:
Walk Like an Egyptian by the Bangles, King Tut by Steve Martin, Little Egypt by The Coasters, Egyptian Tomb by
Mighty Baby, anything by Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs.
If Cooney has taken some of the fun out of
the pharaoh, throw this shindig at Luxor Las Vegas, the coolest
pyramid/hotel/casino this side of the Nile. And remember, what happens in Egypt
stays in Egypt (unless you’re Howard Carter).