You cannot even begin to imagine how happy I am about the events of this week’s Paradise Hotel 2. Of course, they made me sweat, and I was fully prepared to title this post "Are you freaking KIDDING ME?" if it had gone the other way. Fortunately, justice was served.

Are you calling me a spoiler?

Ah, Raheim. You were belligerent, you were self-aggrandizing, you were cocky, you were delusional, and you were an ass. And yet, at the very last minute, it looked like you were going to escape elimination. I’ve got to assume there’s a whole bunch of footage of you taking about how you saved puppies from fires and built houses for the homeless, or read sensitive, soul-stirring poetry you’d written to the other guests. Because I have to think that the heavily-skewed, edited-for-villainy footage was all there really was to you, there would have been celebrations as you walked out the door. And yet, people were getting weepy. What the hell?

Raheim’s assery began early — he yells at Chris for messing up "his" room, and rails against him at every opportunity, despite his friends telling him to calm the hell down. Can’t you see Chris is just playing the game? He rages at all and sundry. Well, yeah, all and sundry reply — that’s obvious. What they don’t follow up with is "at least he’s not an unstable nutjob like you."

Raheim’s nutjob tendencies come out at Pandora’s Box. Stephanie is asked if Raheim intimidates her. He does now, she says, when he started telling me about how he gets jealous and she needs to stay away from the new guys. Raheim starts to bluster, and Stephanie says something to the effect of "You’re right, and you’re always right, let me give that to you, and I know you have those issues, ok? You’re right right now — I’m not going to argue with you." I kind of love her.

Raheim goes into schmuckboy mode — "I bet too many people have been in you [BLEEP!], baby, and not in your mind." Sounds like someone is bitter that he hasn’t been in said [BLEEP!]. It’s enough that Tanya tells him he crossed the line. Everyone else just sits there wishing they were anyplace else as Raheim and Stephanie continue to argue. Un! Comfort! Able!

It’s almost a blessing when the next question is put in by the house — ladies, if you could send one man home tonight, who would it be. I start cackling with glee — after that little display, surely Raheim is out on his ass! No. No he’s not. The ladies elect to send Johnny home instead. What the hell is wrong with these people? I know Johnny’s annoying, but he’s nothing compared to Raheim!

The next day, there’s fallout — Raheim calls Mike and James out for not supporting him when his character was attacked. James tells him that maybe, just maybe, he’s acting a little nutty and he needs to dial it back. Raheim takes offense, of course, because Raheim is never wrong. Mike smoothes things over by saying he hears Raheim — you felt like we weren’t there when you needed us the most. Way to restate something while admitting nothing.

Now we’re down to opposing camps: The new guys, Chris and Aaron, and their roommates, Stephanie and TD, are in one block; the remaining originals are in another. Raheim attempts to suck up to a few of the ladies — Krista, you know I love you! Lauren, I think you’re awesome! I hope to god they’re not falling for it.

At the elimination, Chris and Aaron go first, and they stick with their roommates. Smart move. Mike picks Tanya, James picks Lauren, and Raheim goes with poor, lonely Krista. Ryan picks last — and he also goes for Krista. I start to get worried — will Krista bend to Raheim’s will? No, thank god — she chooses Ryan. Anyone with a lick of sense applauds.

On his way out, Amanda asks Raheim if he would have done anything differently. Yeah — I would have told Stephanie not to pick me, because that’s where everything went wrong. Of course! It’s Stephanie’s fault he’s going home, not his own stupidity and personality defects. How could I have been so blind!

Other stuff:

  • Yes, of course Chris is playing the game. But I have to love that he’s so unflappable when Raheim going all crazy-eyes at him. He refuses to play Raheim’s game, which makes me love him.
  • Plus, Chris is a hell of a diplomat: When Amanda asks Chris about how his roommate Stephanie spends her nights with Ryan, he says "that’s none of my business." And if Stephanie ends up ditching you as a roommate for her naughty-fun-time partner? "Then the better man will have won." He’s good.
  • Dear Krista: I want to like you. I really do. But your little existential angst breakdown just made me laugh and laugh. "I don’t know how you can be lonely with 12 people around you," she laments to Mike. Nest she’ll start wearing a beret and reading Camus and Sartre.
  • Say what you will about Johnny (and I have) — that was a nice standing backflip he did for the crowd when he went out.
Posted by:Sarah Jersild