This week on Paradise Hotel 2, everyone is skanky, sketchy, and bitchy. What distinguishes it from every other week on Paradise Hotel is the level of sketch, skank and bitch — Krista is called a troll doll, Myrna feels disrespected, Aaron doesn’t know how to shut up, TD decides to tease, and Mike and Tanya make like Romeo and Juliet.

What’s going on? Stupid spoiler drama.

Last week, Myrna decided to shake things up by putting people who loathed each other together as roommates. It gets ugly quickly — Lauren is openly contemptuous of Aaron,  and Stephanie is surprised to find that Ryan doesn’t want to cuddle, because he doesn’t actually like her.

Then there’s Pandora’s Box. Things start out almost subtle (or what passes for subtle on this how) when the first question asks new girl Myrna if she’s "royalty at home." Subtext: Are you always such a spoiled-rotten bitch? Myrna says she works hard and is very independent. Aaron, who has temporarily lost the use of his brain, agrees that "poppin’ is hard work" — i.e., yes, Myrna certainly does put lots of effort into shaking her ass. Lovely.

Next target: TD, who is asked if she thinks "leading Chris on" will keep her here. TD takes offense at the question — whoever put that in there is trying to drive a wedge between Chris and me. But she does seem to be offering Chris just enough o get him hooked, then scampering away when he wants more.

Tanya is asked if she loves Mike, and she talks about how she loves him as a person, and how he’s the male version of her. So, Tanya, you’re saying you’re a narcissist. Well, you are on this show, so, yeah.  Then Mike is asked if he’s attracted to Myrna, since he’s always made a big deal about liking Asian chicks. I’m guessing Myrna put that question in herself. He does his Minister of Propaganda thing well, telling Myrna that she’s "very striking" and fits in well with the group, then kissing Tanya.

But the worst is left for Krista: "Why are you everyone’s little troll doll that people have to rub to make you happy?" What the HELL? Krista doesn’t even know what that means, and asks who wants to know, and all is silent. Krista and the others suspect TD, but it’s later revealed that Aaron submitted that particular question. He wanted to see people’s reactions. Aaron? You’re an ass.

Krista spends the rest of the episode being pissy  — poor me, I’m a troll doll! I’m going to sit in a suitcase because I’m going home! Lauren continues to be openly hostile to Aaron Myrna and the rest of the New Crew. The original girls moan about how TD is sucking up to Myrna, so SHE won’t be going home. TD continues to not say yes, not say no to Chris, and he laments that "I haven’t had to work this hard since I was 14." Poor baby. TD also achieves what Chris couldn’t getting Aaron to apologize to Myrna for being an ass. Aaron is falling apart, folks.

At the elimination, Myrna gets to choose first — and she goes to Mike. The HELL? She seems to be banking on the hope that Mike’s love of Asian women to make him forget about Tanya, but I’m thinking she just made a huge mistake. Myrna won’t be staying long if Mike has anything to do with it.

Krista goes with James, which is probably a good choice — he’s said he’d protect her out of loyalty, and he’ll probably do it. TD again teases Chris, hovering over him as if she’s choosing him as a roommate, then going to the safe (if increasingly idiotic) haven of Aaron.

Stephanie goes with Chris, the other member of the New Kids alliance. And then things get interesting. Tanya basically throws herself on her sword so Lauren can stay, picking Chris and leaving Ryan free for Lauren.

Tanya  knows she’s on the chopping block — "If  I could have gone for Mike and eliminated myself, I would have.  I wouldn’t want one of my really good friends here to have to make that decision." Instead, she forced Chris to make a decision that will most likely bite him in the butt no matter what he chooses. If he went with Tanya, he’d be breaking up the alliance, But if he chooses Stephanie, he knows he’ll have all the other guys gunning for him. It’s an almost chess-like move on Tanya’s part, if the Bishop on a chess board were drunk, underclothed and prone to inventing bad euphemisms for sex.

Chris went with Stephanie, so Tanya goes home. There is much weeping and gnashing of teeth, and I’d guess that Myrna’s days are numbered. I actually liked Tanya — she seemed genuine and not tremendously bitchy, and I’m sorry to see her go. However, it will be interesting to see what Mike does once she’s gone.

Next week, a past competitor comes back to Paradise. Please, for the love of god, let it be Nate or Johnny, because if it’s Raheim, I may be forced to shoot myself. 

Posted by:Sarah Jersild