The bitch hits the fan on Paradise Hotel 2: Myrna gets mauled at the Pandora’s Box session, much to everyone’s glee; Raheim returns, because God hates me; and James discovers no one trusts him. All this and elimination, too!

That spoiler was not in the box.

This week’s Pandora’s Box session becomes a smackdown on Myrna, who continues to bitch and sneer and have no idea that everyone around her despises her. When asked which remaining guy she relates to the most, Myrna declines to answer. Perhaps because you relate to absolutely no one? Says James. Myrna denies this is the case. Then Ryan is asked what he thinks of Myrna. Don’t trust her ever, he says. Myrna sips that they’re just jealous and mad at me, and that just because people are mad at her doesn’t make her "a wrong person." It does make her forget all grammar, but that’s the least of my problems with her.

Myrna attempts to turn the tables — hey, Mikey, do you feel like the remaining women are less worthy of being here? Hey, I’d love it if Tanya was still here, but the fact that these women are still here means they’re all great competitors and worthy of being here, he replies. Oh yeah? Well who would you have sent home if you were in my place? Myrna snarls. Good question, Mike replies — too bad it’s not in the box.

Before throats start getting ripped out, Raheim appears. Stephanie and TD look like they need a change of underwear, while Ryan, Mike and James are thrilled to see him. I begin slamming my head against the wall in hopes of achieving sweet, sweet unconsciousness, but alas, that blessed state eludes me. Raheim announces he wants a drama-free night of convivial drinking, and immediately contradicts that by giving Stephanie the stink eye and telling TD he’s mad at her. Whatever, Raheim.

The rest of the episode revolves around people sucking up to Raheim, justifying themselves to Raheim, lying to Raheim, spilling secrets to Raheim, and generally bolstering the idea that this is All About Raheim. Dudes — he doesn’t need any encouragement. Quit it! The only good part about all this is we hardly have to listen to Zack, Aaron or Myrna at all. That’s something, I guess.

Krista has decided that James is incredibly fake and spending too much time "playing the game," so she tells Raheim he plotted against his best bud while Raheim was still there. Being and upright, honest, and slightly dim person, she tells James she did this. Why? This game isn’t about honesty or moral rectitude. Hell, I’m still not sure what people even win, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a  good-conduct medal. Save it, Krista.

Raheim also gets to talk to Stephanie and TD, making them defend their actions. They play the game enough not to respond "You were a scary-ass egomaniac," which would be my reply. Raheim later confronts James with the news Krista sold him out, and James admits he’s basically a schmuck. Raheim is such an ass — when he tells James he knows about the betrayal, his main complaint is "you made me look like an idiot." Whatever, Raheim. Shut up.

Raheim’s job at elimination is to pick out the most and least trustworthy people left in Paradise Hotel. Mikey is the most trustworthy, James the least. That means Mikey and James will be immune from elimination (What?) and will decide who gets sent home. Ohhhhhhhhkay. Mike picks Aaron, who whines and moans and bitches that Mikey is MEAN to him, and he should have picked Zack because Zack hasn’t been there as long and Mike doesn’t know him as well. Did it occur to you, Aaron, that Mike picked you because he DOES know you well? Out!

James says he’s tempted to pick the person who just hurt him (cough, Krista, cough), but instead he picks the person who doesn’t fit — Myrna. She flounces off, snapping that this action will bite James in the butt. Sweetie, this is the first sensible thing James has done in ages. He deserves a ticker-tape parade for bouncing your ass out of there.

Only four men and three women left. Who do you want to win — and does that boil down to who you hate the least? Was Myrna or Aaron more bitchy upon exit? Were you thrilled to see Raheim, or did you attempt to gouge your eyes out with a spork? Does any of this make sense to you anymore? If so, can you explain it to me?

Posted by:Sarah Jersild