platinum hit bravo 'Platinum Hit' recap: The Song of Your LifePreviously: After a harrowing challenge in which Kara DioGuardi and her matte-lipsticked, pitchfork-bearing demons burst out of mirrors and other reflective surfaces at random, to pinch and poke and harry, Nick finally went back to whatever chimney sweep dungeon he came from. This after removing his more promising compatriots from the contest through force of sheer charm. Sonyae, Scotty and Jes proceed now to the final challenge, in which — we’re told — they must write “the song of their lives.”

Scotty’s song will be called: “Vogue.” Don’t just stand there, he’ll say. Let’s get to it. And instead of namechecking famous pretty people, it will be various martyrs to the gay cause, such as Harvey Milk and Michelle Bachman.

Sonyae’s song will be called: “Sine Your Pitty On Tha Runny Kine,” and contain lots of advanced words and concepts for which we mortals don’t yet have the mental scaffolding.

Jes’s song: Won’t actually be a song, just a bird making bird noises, harp for a bit, then sobbing. Forever.


In this week’s finale challenge, each contestant will be presented with one (1) unicorn of less than a year’s ago, and a sum of money that is just enough to get them in trouble. Contestants will not be told that this money is a loan and only the financial performance of their work, which is largely out of their hands, will ever repay this loan. Contestants will not be apprised of the fact that they will never make any more money than this negative amount.

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