Have you ever had a feeling of dread or impending doom right before embarking on what you know is a risky venture? That’s how I feel about Momma’s Boys. Thanks Ryan Seacrest!

The premise is that 32 women and three eligible bachelors live in a house together in an attempt to find love while their moms live there too. Because that totally sounds plausible. They populated the bachelorettes with both diamonds and landmines – perfectly respectable women with respectable jobs (teachers, med students, etc.) and women who are questionable in a mother’s eyes (nude models, lingerie junkies, etc.). Oh, and one of the moms is hyper-prejudiced. Ironically, her son looks like he actively tans. *giant sigh*

After showing practically the whole series in the first five minutes, we finally get to the real beginning. The girls arrive at the house and are very excited to be there. Megan works with animals and is delightfully awkward so I kind of like her. Cara is the first one with slightly crazy eyes – she’s a singer/model/pianist/lingerie enthusiast who’s voice isn’t fantastic. She’s got an Elle Woods quality – very chipper.

Our first Momma’s Little Bachelor is Michael, a 25-year-old firefighter from Florida. Hello nurse! His mom’s name is Lorraine and does his banking, laundry, cooking, and makes his bed (though he asks her not to). Wow. She says that he always answers the cell when she calls. And…to top it off…he still lives at home. He’s not pretty for all that.

Back at the house, we meet Callie, a 25-year-old grad student followed by Donna, 30, who spent a little time in jail as a non-violent offender. Why is it this is all we get to hear about her while Crazy Eyes McGee gets to sing? I call bs. But my absolute favorite so far (and I mean this sincerely) is Natalie, 24 from Texas. She admits to being the first to tell a guy to "man up." She kind of reminds me of me actually. This could get messy.

Our next MLB is Rob, 24, from New York and his mom Esther. He’s into commercial real estate and seems to have his stuff a bit more together than Michael, though Esther stills buys his underwear.

Misty is 26 and from Ohio and, for being in the public relations field, doesn’t seem to know not to refer to other contestants as bimbos (even though it may be true). Nikki, 22, calls herself a promotional model but can’t seem to spit it out. Lynette is another one I like. She’s 21, from Georgia, a communications student, and was having a nice little moment with Megan the Animal Trainer. Michelle, 25 and from Texas, paid for her second boob job with student loan money and thinks people should be paid to do the cooking and cleaning. My laziness agrees sort of with that second part.

Our last MLB is JoJo Bojanowski and he owns a ferret. Or a mongoose. Whatever. He’s from Michigan, plays college hockey and he’s only 21. His mom, Khalood, waxes a little too poetic about how good looking she thinks he is. Also, despite having "a lot of friends who are black," her son cannot marry a black woman. Or an Asian. Or a Jewish girl. Or from a divorced family. Or who wears a lot of make-up. Or with any sort of curves. Or who’s outspoken. Essentially, she wants someone just like her. A nice, plain white girl. Which she isn’t. Moving on.

Cara and Misti have the first "fight" of the show. Cara starts freaking out because she broke one of her shoes. Misti suggests she lay down and chill out about which turns into an over-dramatic meltdown. Megan has been going around picking up after everyone earning the "house mom" moniker. That night, a bunch of girls sit around and some mentions one of the bachelorettes posed for Playboy. That person happens to be Stacy, a 30-year-old student/model, who’s part of the group. So she just comes out with it, though she confuses to being nervous about how the information would be received in a house full of 32 women – she posed in 1999 for various reasons not elaborated on. The girl sitting next to her judges her harshly in confessionals. Another girl, Erica (24) chose not to reveal that she’s the 2008 Penthouse Pet of the Year at this time. Erica, I’m sure sharing the same apprehension as Stacy, prefers to wait and tell the guy on her own so he can get to know her free of any assumptions. Jessica, 21 from Missouri, has different concerns – she has a two-year-old son and doesn’t know how that’s going to go over with the MLBs or the moms.

The next morning, the male suitors finally arrive and it’s game on. All the girls swarm but poor Megan is experiencing a bad case of shyness and isn’t being as social as the others. As the guys head off to their little villa, the girls are still giddy. In the living room, they find baby pictures and watch the casting videos of the MLBs and their moms to get a feeling of their personalities and dynamics. Things are going well until the put in the last dvd of Khalood and JoJo. She’s originally from Iraq. I’d say that sort of explains her state of mind but it totally doesn’t. When she gets to her whole list of women he can’t date (aka 97% of the female population), the wave of outrage is visible. Vita, 25 and a Critical Care Nurse in the military, really doesn’t appreciate it. Every girl in that room was offended and doesn’t like her. And she said that stuff twice. And included Muslims and tall girls in the list the second time around. Mindy, 22 from Georgia, is gobsmacked and can’t understand it at all, adding that she’ll pray for her. Khalood DVD made Callie cry. Misty, who liked JoJo enough before, officially wants him. Vita, in talking to the other girls, says that they should be as calm as possible when talking to her about it.

Lorraine, Michael’s mom, is the first to arrive that night. All the girls are happy to meet her and she’s excited to be there. I do like Lorraine, she seems very cool. Esther, Rob’s mom, is the next to arrive. She loved hearing all the good things about her son. But there’s a tension in the air as the wait for Khalood the Bad to arrive. And she does.

The initial plan, Maisha (31, Los Angeles, and quite tall) explains, is that everyone would act like they hadn’t seen the tape to see what kind of energy she was giving off. Khalood taps a couple girls to talk to outside. Maisha, who’s in law enforcement and just got her master’s degree, noted that she didn’t had little interest in two of the three girls she was walking with – all she did was ask Britney questions…until she found out she was part Jewish. And she walked away.

Later on Vita and Lynette steal Khalood away to talk. Lynette mentions which college she goes to and that she has a really high GPA. Khalood asks if they play basketball. *GIANT SIGH* Vita had been barely containing herself to this point. When Khalood asks what her parents think about the "black/white thing" in terms of dating, Vita tells her they saw the tape and asks essentially what the deal is. The "conversation" turns bad real quickly with bad words and the shouting and what not. Maisha tries to calm Vita down unsuccessfully and pretty every black or mixed woman in the house has come out to witness and possible break up the argument. It goes from bad to worse when Khalood walks away, punctuating a sentence by calling Vita a "bitch." Commence with the crap hitting the fan and the "to be continued" sign.

Oh my, how volatile. So share your thoughts, my friends. Have a favorite girl? A favorite Momma’s Little Bachelor?

Posted by:Tamara Brooks