And we’re back. As the most senior show on the most junior network, Smallville returns to razzle dazzle and stimulate the senses. Or something like that. The writers and producers have explained the eighth season will allow them to "reinvigorate and reinvent the show." Only time will tell if The CW will grace our presence with a stunning ninth season.

For the 153rd time, Spoilers follow this statement.

Previously… plenty of drama. What did you expect?

A CGI helicopter lands in the Arctic, dropping off the newly promoted Tess Mercer in search of the missing Lex. She confronts Regan as to why the excavation team has yet to turn up any useful information as to the whereabouts of Lex. Just then, Team LuthorCorp finds something in a trench, but before they can act on it, the Justice League arrives to take them out. However, Tess and Regan escape. Where is Clark, they ponder while staring into the abyss.

Back at Castle Luthor, Lois goes undercover as a French maid to steal Chloe’s USB hard drive, but Tess catches her just after the fact. Lois is on the hunt for Chloe and the truth (but in that order?) The two women exchange brooding looks, but in the end, Tess doesn’t budge from her newfound power and has security escort her from the premises. I’m sensing an “undercover disguise-of-the-week” for Erica Durance this season.

Chloe is obviously special in the eyes of the DDS (not!), and they prove it by playing memory games with her. She’s being held against her will but can’t use her mad special skills to escape. What good is it to have powers that can’t even be used to escape faux government holding cells?

Meanwhile, the Justice League uses the various forms of technology at their disposal to find Clark. Unfortunately, their super hotness skills haven’t served them well yet. Keep at it, kids…

Turns out, Clark is being held in a Russian work camp, lifting what I imagine are heavy boxes (which must be all that much harder when one has lost superpowers). He tries to steal a truck and make a run for it, but is only successful in crashing into barrels of funny liquid. Good job Clark! Way to piss off the rather lackluster Russians.

Tess confronts Regan about his apparent withholding of information regarding the actual location of Lex. C’mon Tess, he’s only trying to save his boss from the stiff, wooden acting you’re presenting. Cut him some slack!

Not Government guy tells Chloe that she’s about to become the secret weapon in rounding up the bad guys (darn those pesky Justice Leaguers). By decoding hidden cell phone numbers, Chloe helps the faux DDS round up a bathing Aquaman in Norway and a wandering Black Canary in Greenland. Three numbers away from determining the third phone number, that’s when Chloe determines she’s unwittingly helping LuthorCorp take down the Justice League. She attempts to escape, but is quickly tackled and corralled back into her holding chair.

Clark wakes up from his Russian beating and goes back to work. If by work you mean trying to beat up the Russians. Playing the role of a young Russian mobster, Oliver shows up to negotiate for Clark’s release. After catching on to the ruse, Clark and Oliver fake wrestle, which ultimately leads to Clark wondering what took him so long to find him.

Once on Oliver’s plane, Clark reveals the aftermath of the Fortress collapse. It’s here that Clark learns that Chloe is actually with LuthorCorp and not the DDS. Oliver alters the plane’s course for Montana.

Inside the compound, Clark and Oliver split up. Clark stumbles upon Lois undercover once again. Meanwhile, the creepy LutherCorp guy confronts Chloe about her powers. He injects her with a temporary serum derived from her mother (what with her power to manipulate an all, of course it would inevitably be used to influence in an evil manner.) After injection, Chloe completes the final phone number, only to find Oliver is already in the compound.

Speaking of, Oliver finds and releases Aquaman and Black Canary.

Clark and Lois share a moment before they find Chloe. Once Clark spots her, Lois goes all badass and takes out one guy, but not before getting tasered by another (hee!). Clark goes back to find his bro Oliver, but it appears his alter-ego Green Arrow has been temporarily changed like Chloe, who proceeds to shoot two arrows at him when he won’t reveal where Lex is. Chloe attempts to save him, but he goes through a “life before his eyes” montage before John Jones swoops in to take him away.

Back at the farm, Clark awakens and is reunited with his powers. Clark ponders the concept of the secret identity path. John says he can no longer save Clark, as every time he does, he is drained of his powers. Clark puts on the red jacket. Welcome back Clark… how we missed you.

Tess reads about Regan and his mysterious disappearance and discovers the awesome power of the Luthor office. Chloe rapidly scans the Daily Planet archives, pondering why she is the way she is. She reunites with Jimmy. Chloe wants to finish the engagement that Jimmy started in the finale, but Jimmy wants to pretend he didn’t pop the question to begin with. Chloe is “fine” going back to “the way things were before.”

Newly released, the Justice League reunites with Clark in an alley. They tell Clark that Lex is nowhere to be found in the Arctic and suggest they split up, now that their secret is not so secret anymore. They also suggest to Clark he find an outfit that is a little more form-fitting.

Later, Clark and Lois share a moment at the Daily Planet. He reveals that his first day at work is the following Monday. Lois is surprised. Her heart is aflutter. Perhaps a little friendly competition isn’t so bad after all.

Next time on Smallville, Clark saves a girl who could destroy them all. Perhaps it’s the blue/purple highlights that finally does Clark in.

So how did the eighth season opener work for you? Share your thoughts!

Posted by:Brandon Millman