, hijinks ensued, love triangles were established, and feminism was flirted with (and quickly dismissed.) Oh, and a genuinely boring love triangle was established. I think.

Early in the morning, and Megan is already typing furiously her notes on her employers and ignoring phone calls from her devious sister. She finds the twins doing that "Clueless" thing wh
ere their clothes are in a database on the computer and they dress themselves like poorly-matched paper dolls.  (Speaking of which, casting director? Bad call on the twin thing.) Sage, who programmed the database, smoothly flips through the girls’ social engagements for their first week back at school, while Megan tactfully tries to suggest that perhaps studying, for example, might be good instead. Parker – a deferred college freshman – is throwing one of them on a boat. I hope he’s cute!

Megan wanders through the house, apparently in a sitcom, snarking at her sister while Marco and Will listen in. Later, she explains to Marco how Lily stole her first love, and apparently that made her "throw herself into her work." Literally. Writers, please. Rose and Sage arrive at school (Rose in a gold sequined minidress which…I mean, I know it’s Palm Beach and therefore tacky, but Blair Waldorf would decimate these bitches.) A hot young teacher, Mr. Cassidy, appears and we know that this is going to be a problem for…who? Megan AND one of the twins? Maybe. He pulls Rose aside to let her know that she has been held back a year due to her grades.

Charlie waxes his surfboard – not a euphemism – while Megan vents to him about Lily’s sluttitude. Charlie makes the inevitable sadface when she admits to her crush on Will. Megan gets pulled away to deal with Rose’s academic issues, and we learn that the maybe 23-year-old Mr. Cassidy is the headmaster? Of the most exclusive private school in Palm Beach? Girl, please. Megan is going to confront Cassidy and gee I wonder if she’ll find out he’s cute and then stutter and make some form of pratfall? Nah. On her way to the school, she finds Will raiding the fridge and is vaguely nasty to him.

Mr. Cassidy reveals that he is filling in for his father, who suffered a mild heart attack. Lame explanation, writers, if you’re reading this. Megan attempts to bring Rose up into her sophomore year by presenting him a study plan; he retaliates by demanding her phone number. Awww. It’s a love square, or something. She tries to tell Marco that her celibacy is by choice, and Marco makes the big gay eye roll of disgust. She tells Rose about her plan, and Rose tells her she can’t start studying until next week – after all, the twins’ calendar is booked this week. The next day, the twins stand in the sushi line at school, and Sage flirts with Parker, who presents the twins with VIP passes to his party. Rose tells Parker she can’t come to the party, but her boyfriend Max (bad news, that one) and her twin talk her into ditching Megan. And school! For shopping!

Cassidy calls Megan on her cell for a "quick chat" and interrupts her blog-reading time. She swings by his office for said chat, while in the meantime, Lily asks Charlie why Megan won’t return her calls. Cassidy makes her a coffee, asks her out, and tells her that the twins ditched school this afternoon. She runs home to confront the twins, but finds them gone, only the invite to Parker’s party in their stead. She crashes said party to find Parker flirting with Sage. She attempts to pull the twins off the boat, but of course, the boat chooses that moment to pull away from the dock. What are the chances?! The serving wenches on this boat are dressed as Chuck Bass dressed as Babar – why I don’t know – while Megan searches for Rose, who is downing her champers. Apparently Max told everyone how "stupid" his girlfriend is. Wait, why is Will, a man in his late twenties, at this party? He reveals that Parker’s "deferment" of his freshman year was due to inadmission, and he and Megan discuss her inability to be with anyone right now.

The next morning, Megan blocks the twins from leaving the house, demanding an explanation from Rose. Megan tells her that she’s tired of covering for her, and that she is going to make sure she repeats her freshman year. She tells Rose that she knows the can’t fail if she doesn’t try and suddenly realizes that this isn’t about Rose! This is about Megan’s sex life! Megan needs to get back on the horse! Or whatever! She’s ready to write the Great American Novel! Charlie arrives to take her surfing, but is understanding when he sees that she has finally broken through her writers’ block. Sage and her minions – again, with the 30-year-old actors playing high-schoolers – try to pull Rose away from her studies; Rose, however, refuses, and Sage decides to stay behind to help her sister study. And later, Megan and Mr. Cassidy – Jacob – nibble on gelato on their first date.

Next week – Tweens! Porn! Oh, the ratings must be low!

Argh! What is it about this show that hold me at arms’ length? I like the individual aspects, but it just doesn’t gel into a cohesive whole for me. What do you think? Am I being too harsh on a rookie?

Posted by:Jordan Hudson