Caroline Manzo nailed it when she said, “I’m in the Twilight Zone” during one of Teresa Giudice‘s many delusional “displays” — including her wild rendition of sister-in-law’s hit single “On Display.” Which Teresa insists is about her. Of course. Isn’t everything?
Normally the “Housewives” reunion shows are fun to watch because of the catfighting, but you can’t fight with crazy.
Not that the women didn’t try, while Cohen zoned out, only stepping into the action once in a while like Serling to advance the story.
After storming around backstage and threatening to decapitate Teresa, cut out her tongue and kill her (not necessarily in that order), Rosie calmed down enough to briefly join the group and talk about coming out. It’s certainly touching but it’s difficult to be invested in a character we barely know and who seems to only have been brought on the show for comic relief and diversity. And, if you believe Cohen, “love and tolerance.”
We didn’t see much of that tonight, as Teresa tossed out accusations like confetti. To wit: Caroline bullied her (although she couldn’t come up with a single instance to demonstrate it), Melissa Gorga lip-syncs during all her performances, the Gorgas moved to her neighborhood because Joe found a “cheap lot,” her family joined the show with the sole intention of “destroying” her, Jacqueline Laurita‘s husband cheated on her, and Melissa is an opportunitist. (Adding an extra syllable for emphasis.)
But she wasn’t alone. After ridiculing Melissa’s “On Display,” Gorga retaliated by alleging that the celebrated cookbook author doesn’t actually cook. While Tre jabbered on about clams and tilapia, Melissa said, “Your mother cooks it and you tweet the picture — we all know.”
And Jacqueline woke up from another fake nap to insist that Teresa had told her Joe Giudice cheated on her “several” times, including with his secretary and the babysitter. “Honey, you walked in on your husband when he had somebody on the desk in his office,” Laurita said.
Juicy, sitting beside Teresa, insisted he had always been faithful. And he sort of answered Cohen’s questions about that phone call — caught by Bravo while the group was in Napa — to what sounded very much like a girlfriend.
“If I was talking to a girlfriend I would’ve ripped the mike off and thrown it in the bushes,” Joe said. He apologized for referring to his wife as a b**** and a c***, which both Teresa and Joe said isn’t even in his vocabulary. (Jacqueline refuted this as well.)
Joe admitted he did called an old friend who was helping him out at work — named Albie. “Excuse me?” asked a shocked Cohen, who like us probably assumed he was talking about Caroline’s son.
“I think it was the groaning that made everybody a little skeptical,” Melissa pointed out, about Joe’s sexy growling on the call. (“What are you doing?” he asked “Albie,” responding to her answer with a moan and saying, “Don’t even tell me that.”)
“Of course Melissa has to say that, of course,” Teresa said, before squawking like a pterodactyl in Joe’s ear. Andy disappointingly gave Joe a pass on this, as he also did his b.s. “clarification” that he was speaking Spanish because Albie put his Spanish-speaking pizza guy on the phone. Uh-huh.
Teresa, of course, provided the episode’s most bizarre moment. After celebrating the end of her friendship with Caroline and Jacqueline by chanting, “Thank you, God, I got crazy out of my life,” and bowing in prayer several times before the coffee table.
We’re not sure how much truth was told tonight but one things’ for sure: the crazy is definitely still in Teresa’s life.
Next week: More crazy, and the rest of the menfolk join the fray.