BibleofUnspeakableTruths1.jpgToday’s cuppa: strong black coffee

In May, Greg Gutfeld, host of Fox News Channel’s “RedEye W/Greg Gutfeld,”
released a book called “The Bible of Unspeakable Truths.”

Fans of his 3 a.m. ET
weeknight show
(which airs repeats on the weekend), sort of a bizarro-universe version of a political and pop-culture
roundtable, will find many of the book’s elements – Gutfeld’s opinions and musings
wrapped in a quilt made of the skins of dead houseboys, unicorn hide and leftover
bits of shorty robes – familiar, but those new to Gutfeld, his blog, The Daily Gut, and his band of merry
TV pranksters may need a cupcake, a Valium or a stiff drink.


was kind enough to answer a few questions about himself, “RedEye” and his book.


Since you surround your unspeakable truths with self-deprecating comments,
jokes and asides, do you reach an audience who might not otherwise hear views
like yours?


A: I don’t know. I’ve been writing this way since my days at
Men’s Health. Back then, I had to make prostates funny. Granted, of the glands,
that one is the most hysterical. But I always figured wrapping a coating of
funny around a message might make the message easier to take. Especially when
that message involves six sets of reverse donkey calf raises. I also
don’t like screeds, or moralizing in general – so the silliness is a reflex
against that… as are the reverse donkey calf raises.


I’ve heard you described as a “South Park conservative.” If that’s true,
what does it mean? If not, how would you describe yourself?


A: I think I am too old for that description. And I find that
title cloying – it’s like you’re trying to say, “I’m a dork, but I’m
cool!” Stuff like that is always created and overused by
hacky reporters who need a hook for a story. Like “cougars.”  Cougars
are just unmarried older women. But now they’re “cougars.” Or “sexting.”
“Sexting” is now a phenomenon, when it’s just people sending dirty texts
to each other. I don’t mind the phrases, but I hate it when they are
pitched as “stories.” Like, “Hey this sexting thing is a big trend among
cougars, according to an expert on sexting cougars!”  


What’s the most surprising reaction you’ve gotten to the book – pro or con?


e strangest reaction is the surprise that I’ve written a book.
People don’t realize that this is my fourth book, that I’ve written most of my
life. They just see the bizarre man on late night TV, and think
that’s what I’ve been all my life. They are unaware that I’ve edited a number
of magazines, and served time for homicide in 1973.


What was your mother’s reaction?


A: I think she was pleased.  She keeps expecting something
more substantive to come from me, but she’s 85 now – so she’s about
given up. But she popped me out, so it’s all her fault – when you
think about it. And you should. I smell bananas. Do you smell


(HCTV: For the record, we do not smell bananas, but we are getting a whiff of peach.)


How did we get to place where plain common sense and views drawn from practical
experience have become unspeakable truths?


A: I blame the generation that gave their lives for us. Realize
that our country, since WW2, has had a phenomenal ride – tremendous growth in
leisure time and products of convenience that make our
lives super-awesome. We are so very comfortable, which gave
us time to stop thinking sensibly and start questioning the whole
idea of sense. In academia, deconstructionism was born, and mistaken for
intelligence: saying “who’s to say,” as a response to an objective, truthful
remark actually started winning the debates. As classrooms gave up on truth for
this horrible, fake imposter of truth – you saw the common sense that created
our enormous success slowly evaporate. So now you get transgendered men
fighting for the right to be topless on Rehoboth beach … which I salute, by the


this sequence of events created me. My writing is
conservative truth strained through a prism of deviance. I maintain absolute
morality while conveying the worst kind of debauchery, for we live in a world
where all behavior must be tolerated. So why not push it to the limit, and see
how much the so-called tolerant, can tolerate?
find out, when you’re not a liberal expressing such behavior — it isn’t much.


I read your book on a Kindle (meaning, yes, I paid for it). As an author and a
former magazine journalist, do you have thoughts on the future of publishing?


A: I think it’s becoming more about the brain than the book. For so
long we’ve trained ourselves to enjoy long-form reading – when in fact, what we
really want is what we are getting now: bite-sized bits of information fed to
us like lab rats sucking on a cocaine drip. It’s rewiring our brains, and in
effect information has legitimate, druggy effects.


We feel this immense comfort when we sit down and stare at an
unread block of emails. That fills the hole in our afternoon and or/life.
The real dread for most of us is what do we do with ourselves.
Modern digestion of information is telling us that we love (more than
anything) to simply sit, absorb and engage. This is what we are meant to
do. Forever. We probably read the equivalent of a book every day now – we don’t
even know it.


I structured my book this way – one chunk here, three chunks
there.  Also, information absorption, mixed with communication,
creates the sense of regular achievement – which is a good feeling when you’re
actually just sitting there, drinking beer in a thong made of chiffon. And yes,
I’ve lost thirty pounds. Thanks for asking.


You stand a lot on “RedEye.” Footwear recommendations?


A: Loose-fitting Christian Dior. Leather.


If you watch TV, what do you watch?


A: The last season of “Big Brother UK” just started, which excites
me. But I’m also a massive
greg_gutfeld_RedEye.jpg fan of “Peep Show,” and watched it
religiously when I lived in London. It’s now available on BBC on Demand. It’s
the best, most morally-driven show on television. It’s about two young men
who live together. One works hard at a bank (until recently), while
the other freeloads off him. The novelty of the show is that you can
hear all their thoughts – which undermines their behavior. The things they think
are EXACTLY what you and I think, and these thoughts are often callous to the
point of horrible. The relationship between the two male friends is a microcosm
of society: It’s the sponge who hates the hard worker, for all of his hard
work. He lives off him, but hates the traits that made his friend able to
support him. It’s a sickly hilarious and relentlessly mean show. There is no truer show on TV, period.

“Modern Family” is also
fun. “Work of Art” is addictive too. “Justified” had a loping gait, but the
finale kicked butt. Lots of corpses. And Timothy Olyphant is the
next Clint Eastwood, whether he knows it or not.


I’ve often thought that many cable channels could do well to hand over the wee
hours to experimental programming like “RedEye.” What’s the near future for the
show and you, and what other channels should try a similar project?


A: I honestly have no idea. It pleases me that a very ballsy FNC
took a chance with us, and I am eternally grateful for the opportunity. I do
think “RedEye” delivers something uniquely special to FNC, something they
didn’t have before. Once I figure out what that is, I’ll let you know. We
are truly experimental, but more important – we’re honest and good-natured
about what we do. We are also very polite to everyone in the elevators,
whereas John Gibson is all hands.


You’re doing pretty well on guests – who’s on the favorites list, and who’s
still on the wish list (does that list include ombudsman Andy Levy’s doppelganger, “Nurse
Jackie” star Edie Falco


A: Why ask for Edie when we have Andy? He’ll just throw a tantrum,
anyway. We’ve had an awesome stretch of guests lately – and most important we
snag folks who are rarely seen talking, ever, on TV. Slayer’s Kerry King,
Danzig, Gwar’s Oderus Urangus – the list goes on. A lot of great musicians
performing “RedEye” themes songs, from Larry Gatlin to Train.

We just
had Jeff “Skunk” Baxter – the most fascinating man on the planet. He
started Steely Dan then joined the Doobie Brothers. Now he’s a
defense consultant – a self-taught expert on high-tech weaponry. It’s

Mike Patton is due in July, which I’m looking forward to.
His new CD, “Mondo Cane,” is fantastic – a collection of Italian pop songs
three decades old but reanimated with Patton’s unmatchable voice. He’s the greatest
living singer on the planet right now. And I include the guy from the Goo Goo


As for others on the wish list – I’m patiently waiting for
Tobacco, the man from the awesome band Black Moth Super Rainbow. His new
CD, “Maniac Meat,” is a garish, irresistible onslaught of psychedelic
electronic sci-fi pop. A combination of burbling organs, gorgeous melodies,
sinister vocals and propulsive beats – he’s effectively created the sound of
ice water boiling. I write this now, hoping he will read it, and do the show. I
won’t hold my breath.

UPDATE: Big makes the case for a better “RedEye” time slot.

Posted by:Kate O'Hare