Wouldn’t it be great if all police officers were like those on Reno 911! airing Saturday on Comedy Central? If they were, getting arrested would be so much more fun. Not that we know what it’s like to be arrested. But then again, the night is young.

So call your friends and neighbors — and those punks on the corner exchanging what appears to be small baggies — and let’s see if your local cops have a sense of humor.

Setting the scene:
According to its chamber of commerce, Reno, Nev., is “the biggest little city in the world.” That doesn’t even make sense — making us believe that perhaps everything is disproportionately large or the residents are somewhat tiny. No matter what the story, you need to decorate in an early sheriff’s station motif: bars, metal desks, clipboards, wanted posters, a Heimlich maneuver poster and a handmade sign reading “Say No to Drugs.” Hire a local college student to walk around as Lt. Jim Dangle in short shorts and driving gloves, eating an almond croissant while holding an issue of Vanity Fair and a roll of Saran Wrap. Hire two more people to be “perps” wandering around in boxer shorts and wife beaters. Hang posters of McGruff the crime dog and Vince Vaughn from his Swingers days. Set up a shooting gallery in the backyard, but check local laws first. Invitations should be designed as summonses, and consider handcuffs as party favors. Trust us, the guests will thank you later.

Attire:
Beige police uniforms one size too small. Aviator sunglasses. Driving gloves. Nightsticks. Mustaches.

On the menu:
Hot dogs and doughnuts (including, but not limited to: bear claws, eclairs, jelly, cream, custard, powdered, peanut, chocolate and glazed).

On the hi-fi:
Bad Boys (theme from Cops) by Inner Circle; Luck Be a Lady by Frank Sinatra; I Shot the Sheriff by Bob Marley.

The showstopper:
Enjoying the exploits of the Reno Sheriff’s Department on television is all well and good, but experiencing the actual city of Reno’s hospitality is something altogether different. Aside from the myriad casinos, brothels and mines, there’s beautiful Lake Tahoe right around the corner. If accommodations are hard to come by, consider knocking over a convenience store and enjoying your stay with the kids in the sheriff’s department.

Posted by:Michael Korb