Andrew proposes to Bridget-as-Shiv — with a Ring Pop. Remember those? Hey, lay off. He just gave her a huge rock a few episodes ago. Besides, they’re already married. Well, he is. He wants to renew their vows. When Bridget gets a load of herself in the bridal boutique mirror wearing some ill-fitting gown, her inner SMG rises up and says, “This wedding is off. Seriously people, I’m like a size 0. How can you not dress me better?” Fine, that doesn’t happen at all, but leave me my fantasies, all right?
Bridget, as we know, is smitten with Andrew. She wants to be herself with him, but Malcolm is digging up dirt on Martin/Charles while Henry is being an even bigger Tool Belt than usual. Sister just needs some time to breathe. When she is clearly not into their wedding plans, Andrew thinks she’s giving him the old, “It’s not you, it’s me…” excuse. She sort of is, but not in any way that means she doesn’t want him.
Meanwhile, Juliet gets an attack of conscience about Tessa and the whole Let’s-Scam-Daddy scam. It’s different. She has a soul now! Catherine, who is not thus burdened, is having an affair with Mr. “Logan Echolls” Carpenter, but since the previews that ran last week spoiled us on that — and of course because it’s so predictable — this entire plot is yawn-worthy. At least the writers try to distract us with shirtless Jason Dohring, and then later, with Jason Dohring wearing only a bath towel.
Before the close of the hour, Catty takes Logan’s money and in its place leaves a video of him partying with Tessa and Juliet, along with a threatening note. She also (seemingly) quiets Juliet. In other news, Catherine hands a wad of cash to a mystery person in an SUV and scolds said person for beating Tessa to a pulp, rather than just roughing her up. Part of me wants the mystery person to be Bodaway Macawi — because let your freak flag fly, Show. That said, I’m pretty sure if it is Macawi, I will have to devote an entire weecap to excoriating you for turning your Teflon mobster into a two-bit thug.