ringer sarah michelle gellar 320 'Ringer' recap: That'll Put Marzipan In Your Pie Plate, Bingo!Meet Bridget Kelly, she’s an ex-stripper who is six months into recovery. She’s also in the Witness Protection Program, because she witnessed the murder of a stripper by some bad ass — whose name I disremember, except that it sounds like a Kipling character. Richard Alpert from Lost is the agent in charge of Bridget’s protective custody, and he has her hunkering down in the Two Nickels motel. Because Bridget is really Buffy, and the motel is a dive, Bridget overcomes the police officer guarding her, ties him up in the tub and flees Wyoming and the long arm of the law to the considerably shorter and spindlier arms of her twin sister, Hamptons socialite, Siobhan Martin.

Siobhan and Bridget go boating like you do when you’re on the run from the bad guys and the good guys. The next thing you know, Bridget wakes up alone in the boat. Siobhan is nowhere to be found. Bridget screams for her sister, tries (and fails) to radio for help, and even jumps in the water to look for her, but it’s all to no avail. Personally, I think Siobhan slipped Bridget a mickey, because all that’s left is a pill bottle — empty of pills, but full of Siobhan’s engagement and wedding rings. What would her motive be? Well, clearly she got a good look at the laughable green-screen background used in this scene and said, “Screw it. I’m out.” Bridget agrees. In fact, she thinks the green-screen is so bad that Siobhan probably offed herself.

Anyhow, Bridget does what any ex-stripper/recovering addict who is on the run from the law and the lawless would. She assumes Siobhan’s life. This is possible, because the sisters had a falling out six years ago, and Siobhan’s only been married to Andrew Martin (Ioan Gruffudd) for five years, and oops — she forgot to tell hubby that she had an addict/stripper twin. Siobhan forgot to mention a few things to Bridget too; like that she frequently gets frostbite just from being in the same apartment as Andrew, so she has a little something on the side with her best friend Gemma’s husband, Henry. Additionally, she has a bratty step-teen, Juliet, who likes the pipe (yeah, both kinds). This is balanced out by the fact that Siobhan also has a wicked lot of shoes and scarves.

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